Floating Misadventures

Saturday was my very first, official, float trip. Floating is a very popular pastime here in the OK, that and going to the lake. What we lack in oceanfront we make up with rivers and man made lakes. That's just how we roll in this land locked state. Essentially, when you float down the river (usually the Illinois) you go with friends, grab a cooler or two filled with beverages of your choice, water, and food, rent a raft, and basically sit in said raft, let if float down the river, paddle when need be, and drink beer and chat with friends. I have never been on a float trip, which is a travesty as I've lived here since I was 11 years old. So you can imagine how excited I was about actually participating in this beloved Okie pastime.

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Saturday morning at about 6:30am Jon and I grabbed breakfast at Whataburger (their sausage, cheese, and egg biscuit sandwich is SO tasty), filled the Prius up at Quiktrip, and headed southeast to Tahlequah, Oklahoma. Nearly an hour and a half later, we arrived at one of the many places you can go to rent a raft, and met two other friends there. As the excitement builds, and builds for me Jon goes in to rent a raft and promptly walks back and says they have rented out ALL of their raft. It's not even 8:30am and they're out.

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Crap.

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Turns out it's good to have a reservation. These can be easily arranged online or by phone. But, did Jon or my other friend who's been floating loads of times think of this? Oh of course not! So we drive to three different places, each completely rented out. The fourth place we went to had a raft, but, only took cash. We get in our cars to look for someplace with an ATM. Five minutes into this search I asked Jon if they took checks, he replied that they do. Then I told him I had his checkbook in my purse. D'oh! So we call, turn around, and head back. At this point I was ready to scream, but, I chilled out. We got on the river about an hour and fifteen minutes after we planned, but, we were going and that's all that mattered. Or so I thought.

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I had to be back in Tulsa by 3pm, 4pm at the latest, to feed the dog I'm watching while I housesit. This we all knew and my friend assured me we'd be done floating the seven miles by no later than 2pm. Mind you we didn't have a watch, which caused a few problems later on. I was really enjoying floating until we asked someone what time it was and they told us it was 1:07pm and we were far from the end of our river trek.

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My manic control issues took the front seat then and I was begging everyone to help me paddle to speed things up. This wasn't objected to except by one, a great guy friend, who had one (okay more like three or four if not more) too many, and didn't want to be rushed. See the thing with floating at this time of year is it is HOT. Right now, we've been suffering from extreme +100 degree temps for the better part of three weeks with no end in sight. Worst heatwave since 1980 from what I've been told. That's how it is in Oklahoma, worst blizzard ever late winter, worst heatwave in thirty years in the summer. Our weather is bi-polar medicated with stimulants. Anyways, back to my friend. He usually can handle his beer, but, when it's THAT hot it hits your harder and faster. I stopped drinking around noon as I had to drive Jon and I back to Tulsa. But, my friend, he didn't stop drinking, nor did he really eat, nor did he work to stay somewhat hydrated. A deadly trifecta that resulted in his belligerence to my need to get back to my house/dog sitting duties.

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Fabulous

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Jon, me, and drunk friend's girlfriend all begin to paddle. It was getting hotter, the river was filling with more people who had nothing but time and an endless supply of alcohol. I shouldn't have been paddling as my burned hand is still recovering, but, I sucked it up and paddled away. Oh, should I mention that I'm horrible at any activity involving the need to row? I flipped a canoe over in summer camp once as a kid and decided I really shouldn't pursue a career nor hobby involving paddles and water. We went in circles, floated sideways, but, eventually we got a rhythm going, only to get stopped by a raft in front of us or my drunk friend doing something to slow us down. At this point, floating was not so much fun and I and the rest of the sober crew were getting extremely upset by the minute.

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We finally got to the end of the seven mile course and to our cars. Water and pedialyte were immediately consumed, as it was HOT and I believe I sweated off nearly all my water weight. My drunk friend and his veeerrrryyyy ticked off girlfriend got in their car and Jon and I headed out without saying much to our friends. It was past 3pm and that was hauling it towards the end, imagine if we hadn't paddled at all. An employee at the raft rental place mentioned the float trips can take up to twice as long to complete when the river levels are lower due to the summer heat. Good to know! (I hope you can hear my dripping sarcasm- it's quite potent)

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I made it back to Tulsa a quarter after four, yes, I was speeding, and the dog was quite grateful to get outside and do her business, not to mention getting fed. I have decided that while the last hour and a half or so really, really sucked overall I like floating. I mean your hanging out with friends, surrounded by water and neat scenery, eating and drinking to your hearts content (but, within reason or it is not fun) so what's not to like? That said, I think next time we'll a)Call ahead to reserve a raft b) In doing this head out earlier when it is cooler and less crowded c) I will NOT make any plans on the chosen day of floating and d) Get drunk friend's sister to come with us to threaten drunk friend with telling on him to their mother. Childish? Maybe. But, after going through the whole list of what not to do on a float trip I'm willing to concede that a little policing by a sibling maybe necessary to ensure a smooth float trip.

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Lessons learned!!