Photo du Jour

The Betrayal

Louie after bath time

Confessions and Curveballs

My brother visited me this past Saturday at the end of his two week vacation. He drove into Tulsa from Salina, Oklahoma where my parents live and where he has been staying. My brother and I are in many ways complete opposites, but, I cherish his visits. Funny thing age, Daniel and I used to fight left and right as kids and now we call and talk to one another, visit, and banter as if we've gotten along our enitre lives.

When Daniel came over he brought something he found in my parents garage that he helped to clean up. It was a ceramic cat. Given to me by my great-grandmother and it sat in my room for ages. One of my cousins as a young toddler would always ask to go upstairs to my room and, 'pet the kitty'- he thought it was real! When I saw the face of this cat I felt a barrage of emotions I had not expected to feel during my brothers visit.

Five years ago, plus a smidge, I left my parents home for good. No, I didn't move out, I left them and my life there completly. I haven't spoken to my parents since that day. Without going into the long, melo-dramatic, story behind my leaving allow me to say that I did this for the betterment of my life and my person. The situation living at home, my past issues with mental illness, trying to go to college on my terms, as well as, trying to grow up and become a better person- the mix of all of these did not work at all. I was pushed until I knew if I did not do something drastic I would deteriorate. I was left with the choice of stay and go back down the dark and hopeless path of depression and anorexia/bulemia, or, leave and learn how to stand on my own two feet, live, and learn to thrive. Since the day I left I have worked on becoming a better, healthier, and productive person and I have accomplished much of that (still a work in progress though!).

When I left I left most of my belongings behind. With the aid of some friends I was able to gather a few things that fit in trashbags and a couple of laundry baskets. The cat my brother found and brought back to me was an object that I knew I wouldn't see again. I accepted that, made peace with it, and then after five years here it is sitting in my new life that I've built.

While processing all of this my brother handed me a statment- an invoice of payment towards a student loan that my parents took out when I first went back to TU (I declared independence status after I left and all my loans went into my name after). Daniel was given it as he informed my parents that I was working on loan consolidation. After recieving this piece of info another curveball came out of nowhere. Daniel explained that my parents had paid off another loan by selling my beloved piano that my grandfather had given to me.

This piece of news overwhelmed me and a feeling of disorientation began to take over. I didn't understand- why would they do that I asked. And why did I feel as if I had lost pieces from my past all over again? It was just an object, one that I knew I wouldn't see nor possess from that day forward. Yet, I couldn't believe it. Perhaps it was my parents reasoning that perpetuated the flood of thoughts and emotions. They sold it soon after I left in a fit of fear believing that I would leave school and leave them with those private loans in default. So, rather than make some calls to the lenders to double check my student status, they believed the worse would come and reacted to their fears.

I guess what I'm saddened by the most is that if my parents believed that I would leave them high and dry, quit school, and make them pay the consequences then perhaps they never really understood me. I'm not saying I was a complete angel before I left- my stress and anxiety levels were through the roof and I said many things I am not proud of. However, I don't quit, I made my reasons for leaving clear, and I stuck through and with every decision I made and now, despite the sad circumstances that started this journey, I am happy.

I confessed to Daniel that if I hadn't left I wouldn't be standing in front of him today the way I am (if at all). He nodded, not wanting to hear more, but, seemingly with an understanding of what I meant. I never wanted to say that to him, but, he needed to hear it and I needed to say it outloud. Now the cat he brought to me sits proudly atop my bookshelves- a strange monument to my past and the reminder that the past is always present within. It does not haunt me, it pushes me forward, and it has taught me many wonderous lessons.

We are who we are because of where we came from. And no matter how painful the path has been the scars make us better only if we want them to.

Forgot Something

As it has been a bit crazy these past two weeks, and I'm scatter brained to begin with, I forgot to mention that I have been, well, more or less promoted. My two bosses from the studio and I had some coffee last week and they told me what they'd like me to do, what I wanted do to, etc and as of August I will be working more at the studio to help run things, continue with private lessons, as well as, work on a starting a couple of projects we have in mind. So wootness!

Just thought you all should know. More to come... when I can think straight again....

Busy Week

It's only Wednesday and I feel as if my head will not stop spinning. I'm working a summer camp 9am-12pm every weekday. I work with two other gals and we teach about twenty-five kiddos a musical (this year it's the "Aristocats"). So that's pretty tiring! To top it off I have my usual lessons, babysitting Friday, AND one last week of working at the office job. Last night I went to a Bastille Day celebration at a restaurant with other Francophiles from the Alliance Francaise Tulsa. I've had to be a social butterfly too! Lastly, there's the to-do list, vet appointments, some furniture moving, etc etc.

I am sooooooooo ready for Friday night! Not because I'm going to a party, but, because my week will be done!

Man that makes me sound old doesn't it?

Things That Make Me Smile

First off- thank you all for your kind words! I should've given you guys a warning that I'm a big softie, especially with four legged creatures. Naturally, I've been crying on and off, but, I am doing a lot better. And now some of the things that have made me smile the past two days.

Doggies that sleep with their tongues hanging out.

Kitties who think a cardboard box is the ultimate crashpad.

And puppies who wonder what's wrong with trying to carry a purse around their neck.

My pets who've helped ease the pain of Nelly's loss and who have taught me that their love will always be there. I will always be grateful for that. Not to mention the comedy factor is priceless.

Well.....

It wasn't meant to be. Nelly started seizing this afternoon. The vet asked me to come in around 5:30pm and Jon's sister drove me. She wasn't there anymore and I just knew I had to say goodbye.

So goodbye Nelly- I hardly knew you, but, you were great and I'm glad I could do something for you in the end.

Because One Isn't Enough

You all know that I adopted Louie, a rescue puppy, a month and a half ago. I LOVE dogs and cats and I knew one day I would probably have more than just a couple eventually.

Eventually came... Monday night.

Jon and I went for a walk with Louie and on our way to the drugstore to pick up something (it's very close to my house) I saw something resembling a cat in the driveway. Turns out it was a cat, nearly dead, skin and bones (not an exaggeration), dehydrated beyond belief, with fleas and flea dirt everywhere, and matted and missing fur. I started to cry as I picked her extremely frail body up. Jon and I began hauling back to my house while dialing numbers to find someplace to take her.

I knew she was beyond anything I could do and she was dying. I cried, Jon dialed, and after eight or nine numbers we wrapped her up in a towel and headed to an emergency clinic in Jenks (some 20 mintues away). I was desperate to help her, knowing she probably would die, but, I wasn't going to give up on her. I named her Nelly- a name that came out of the blue, but, seemed right. She wasn't going to die without a name I thought. I prayed that she would live and not give up.

Nelly didn't give up.

Miracuosly, she lived through the night. It took hours of IV fluids and antibiotics (she has a nasty infection). No rescue organization would take since she was older and we didin't have bloodwork done yet as I focused more on keeping her alive than those details. I visted my vet yesterday and after some communication with the ER vet we agreed that a transfer would be best. Not to mention cheaper. My vet told me she was old and that bloodwork would be needed. Dr. Wendy was kind, gentle, but, straightforward about all the things that would probably be wrong. Once again I decided I wasn't going to give up on Nelly. She was worth giving every chance.

The results of her labs came in today. Other than a high white blood cell count from the infection miracuosly (noticing a theme here?) everything else looked pretty good. My vet asked me if I was okay taking in another pet and I told her that while I would have to work on my roomie I would keep her. Nelly's going to be at the vet's a little longer getting healthier (not to mention thicker), but, she is happy, resting and eating tons.

So I found, saved, and subsequently adopted a cat that I don't know from Job. However insane you may think I am- that's cool. I think we are meant to help and do things with no warning. Sometimes fate chooses you. For whatever reason it 'chose' me to find Nelly in a driveway and take care of her. And I'm okay with that.

Though my cat Mina is going to be SO pissed....

Fireworks Gone Wild

As seen in the previous post we had a fantastic view of the Fourth of July firework display along the Arkansas River. All was going well until about 10 or so minutes into the show- then this happened:

All of a sudden things began going bezerk on the bridge where the firework platforms were. Sorry for the fuzziness... I was so surprised by the loud 'booms' the camera didn't get a chance to focus and process the pic.

All of this mind you happened fast.

Though I'm not going to lie- it was pretty fantastic to look at. Though we were all confused, wondering if this was planned or not. There was so much exploding and the fireworks were really, really low. The first thing I said after the display was done was, 'I don't think that was supposed to happen.'

Sure enough it wasn't. Turns out something caused a launcher to tip over and the firework inside it misfired- causing an exlosion that cascaded through to the other platforms. From what I understand, most of the fireworks, if not all, of the last 14 minutes of the show went up in a matter of seconds. Thankfully no one was hurt!

Fourth of July- Two Year Old Style

Dylan, Jon's godson, his parents, and us celebrated the Fourth together. Fortunately, the weather cleared up long enough for several hours of good times. However, I do believe that Dylan, by far had the most fun.

Dylan's first experience with pop-its.

They were an instant hit!

Watchful Momma.

Before we galevanted off to the river Dylan requested a book. Dad was kind enough read it through twice for him. Two year olds love repetition!

We found a primo spot for the firework disply. As Dylan played at the water's edge I snapped a few shots.

I love Oklahoma sunsets!

As soon as it was dark enough the fireworks began.

Dylan LOVED it!!

He kept yelling, "Stars go boom!"

After this pretty shot I shouted out, "Awesome!" After which, Dylan said it for the rest of the show. So, I taught Dylan to say awesome and yes I'm rather proud of that fact. His joy was infectious and after the show ended (more on that story later) he continued to request more, "Stars that go boom!" I think he had a pretty good Fourth of July.

Happy Soggy Fourth?

Happy Fourth of July to Everyone!! This Fourth of July morning I woke up and commenced with my usual routine: Pet Louie who was snuggled up against my back, stuck my contacts in, and headed towards the door to put my not so little puppy outside. Imagine my surprise when I saw this:

Rain?! On the Fourth!?! Whaaa?!

I believe this is the first time it has rained on the Fourth since I've lived in Oklahoma. Or at least the first time in a loooooooonnnng time! The forcast says we'll have rain and perhaps some storms all day today. I'm not going to lie- I love the rain and welcome the cooler temperatures it brings.

But really Mother Nature? Couldn't you have put this off for a day?

Home Alone

The day that my boyfriends house gets broken into, in broad daylight no less, is the day my roomie takes off with her brother and her eight pound holy terror of a dachsund to Iowa for the holiday weekend. She'll be back Sunday or is it Monday? Oh joy. My paranoia has climbed to all new, and irrational, heights. You'd think that since I have Louie here I should feel secure. Where, however, does my brain go? My brain thinks about Louie going up to a home invader, licking him, and rolling over on his back for tummy rubs. After all this the house thief takes whatever he wants with me under the bed terrified and crying.... and so on and so forth.

They have medication for this kind of thing... right?