Happy Thoughts

Thank you for the kind comments about Leo.  He's doing SO much better!  No more swelling, he's walking fine, we're just having to battle some steroid side effects (ie He pees... A LOT!!!).  So, while we are still waiting to know what in the world happened, a sense of normalcy is beginning to return.

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Let us take a break from near dog death experiences, and checkout this fabulous picture.  That is a man, a barista (or is it baristo?) who is making coffee for me and my co-workers.  Why is he there you ask?  Well, I will tell you why!  My company thinks it's a very cool and good idea to have some coffee people come in every couple of months and make espresso, coffee, and/or tea drinks for all the employees for FREE.  That's right, all the caffeine we can handle for the morning, at no cost to us.  Amazing.  This company actually thinks that happy workers make productive workers- and keeping their employees happy is a top priority.  Imagine that!

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On a side note, I had perhaps the most productive day I've ever had yesterday during coffee day.  Wonder if the two are related?

What Shut Me Down- Part 1

You all have no idea how lovely it is to read your comments!  Makes a girl feel loved.  Dallas was amazing and I have some fantastic pictures for you.  People dressed up in all sorts of costumes, some brilliant, some... not so much.  It'll be worth the wait, promise.

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First, however, I'll get started on my little story about what caused me to drop of the face of bloglandia, because, if I don't get started soon I'll just keep putting it off.  And I do not need any added stuff needing to be done.  My to-do list is long enough as it is!

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Alright, it looks like I left off during fall.  I did blog about how my school was on the 'bad school' list as our test scores weren't up to snuff.  The state department would come in and inspect us, the school district sent in a specialist to help look at what teachers were doing (lesson plans, strategies, etc), the school even hired a 'staff development' person to help the teachers with what to teach their students, and so on and so forth.  We even were under threat of becoming a charter school if the grade the state department of education gave us wasn't high enough.  It was insane!  Teaching is hard enough, but, have all of that being held over you took hard to an entirely new level!

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The environment was incredibly strained and everybody, even the teachers and TAs who didn't have to worry about state tests, were feeling it.  My good friend, and third grade teacher, suffered a couple of breakdowns and began to see a therapist.  Her situation in particular was unbelievably stressful as many of her students couldn't do basic math nor reading comprehension when they walked into her classroom for the first time.  It was as if the proverbial deck was stacked against her and she didn't want to fail her kids.  I thought the stress of all of that was what was weighing on her.  It was only later in the year, that I realized that there was so much more to her, and many other co-workers', problems.

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My principal was the one who hired me.  She adored Leo and seemed to like me well enough.  At least, she never told me I was doing a horrible job.  I was aware, however, that not everyone was a fan and I figured that was to be expected to some degree.  I tried very hard to be careful about what I said to who and just keep my head down and do my job as best as I could.  Slowly, over the year my principal made some odd decisions.  One was telling everyone on staff that they could not hang out in the office at all anymore.  There other occasions where she made odd requests for specific teachers.  One of the strangest was in March when, out of the blue, she pulled all of the support staff to rearrange the library.  I actually got sick looking at books thanks to that little project.  There were lots of other things as well, but, the gist of it was that my principal seemed to be on edge and downright paranoid that people were against her.  I wish I had been aware how deep that paranoia went.  Sometimes, we can reason things away and dismiss stuff we really should be putting in context of the bigger picture.

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The tension never abated, and it built throughout the school year like some cartoon snowball going down the mountain.  I was not immune to feeling this and most of the time I was in a terrible mood about work.  I loved teaching, I liked the kids, I didn't mind that some of them were high maintenance, but, the high anxiety, depressed staff, and tense atmosphere was really wearing on me.  More than once I had tears in the morning getting ready for work.  I would cry and tell Jon how I didn't want to go to work and I was tired of doing this day after day.  I felt trapped.  I couldn't leave TPS because I needed insurance, I decided becoming a public school teacher was not worth the trouble, and I wasn't left with many options that could give me the flexibility for dance and training service dogs, pay decently, and give me insurance.  

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My situation felt, almost hopeless actually.  At the end of my work day at school I was often tired and cranky and then I had to turn around to go teach piano.  It was all getting to be overwhelming, add problems at the studio I worked for (more on that later) and it really made me a 'delightful' person.  I'm sure you can hear the sarcasm in that statement!  It was awful and I while I did fairly well to keep trucking along, I came to the conclusion that I couldn't keep doing this anymore.  Working myself to the bone for so little and yet having to do more than that just to keep insured and financially.  It was not living, it was survival.  Jon agreed with me and we both kept an eye out for something better.

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Little did I know at the time, something better would come under the most surprising and disturbing of circumstances.  In retrospect, there were signs that a tumultuous storm was to come at the school I worked for.  Perhaps, it was the stress or my naivety that distracted me.  Whatever it was, I was not prepared at all for what occured during my last months at Lindbergh Elementary. 

Lord Have Mercy *Rant Ahead*

I missed nearly a week of posting, and for that I apologize. My first week of school went well, then the second week came- and boy howdy did it come like a fleet of Mack trucks to run everyone at my school (children included) over and send us into near chaos. I didn't sleep well for another week, so it's no surprise that I've caught a bug and am staying home from work today. Sleep deprivation and stress will do that to ya, you know?

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Where do I begin? (rant coming on, so if you wanna look away now, please do!)

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The school district I work for is large and underfunded. Oklahoma ranks near the top of poorly funded school systems and lowest paid teachers. Not something to be proud of to say the least. There are some districts nearby that are in better shape due to the area having property taxes and all that, but, my district as a whole isn't one of them. So, it came as no surprise when they implemented a new policy to change the way things were being done and ultimately to save the district money in hopes of providing better attention to students's needs and of course let us not forget passing those bleepin' state tests that are so ever important to show the public we are teaching children stuff.

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If I sound a bit bitter, I am. Not going to lie. I get the need to redo things, I get the request for accountability with the state tests, but, as far as implementing all these new changes in the name of the bottom line you loose me. Last week thanks to said policy changes my school had to cut a teacher and shift four teachers around, dissolving their classes and putting the kids into new classrooms week two of school. As things stand now we have nearly thirty children in all of our third grade, fourth grade, and kindergarten classes. Now this isn't the worst out there, but, bear in mind we have nearly a quarter of our school population with learning disabilities, many more undiagnosed/untreated, and almost fifty percent of our school are learning English at school (ELL).

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And the teachers are supposed to get everyone to pass those precious state tests (3rd-6th grade) with those odds. Oh lets not even go into home environments that perpetuation illiteracy and such. I could write a book at this rate.

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Last week was obviously chaotic and the staff is on edge and the students sense it. Heck, even Leo was wiped out by last Friday! I know that there are no easy solutions here, and the school district lost state funding while implementing this new policy. One large part of the problem, on the district level, is they're implementing a new policy while enforcing it with old policy rules- it only makes sense, barely, when you realize that this was ruled on and implemented in less than a year. Yeah, it makes me want to scream too.

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I think what frustrates me the most is the whole bottom line mentality when it comes to education. I know it's not as prominent in other areas, but, still money is the name of the game. There are sub-cultural attitudes that contribute to children who can't read, and of course, parents who don't give a crap about their kids education will inevitably result in many of those kids being unsuccessful in school. That said, however, education is an investment, both by parents and the state. It takes time, patience, and varied resources to help a child be successful. Results take time, learning is a life long process after all. The demand, however, for success now, to educate with virtually nothing coming into poorer schools, etc etc is one of the main culprits that continues the cycle of kids who can't read, kids who turn to crime as they grow, who become parents too early, and then raise children who don't care about education because what good did it do for them when they were kids. It's sad, and it's distressing and I know the school system isn't completely at fault. These parents should be responsible for what they do to their kids, absolutely. There's no easy answer, nor a perfect school system out there. But, surely, we can do better can't we?

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I apologize if this rant comes across as political, I don't intend it that way. I'm just an educator who is witnessing first hand what these policies and mentalities are doing to those children who are growing up in poverty, by no fault of their own. It is them who are the victims and it is me who is on the front line, fighting, and quickly realizing that I cannot throw myself in front of every single bullet whizzing towards nearly all the kids.

This School Week

Nothing terribly exciting report this week. Mainly I've been adjusting to my school schedule, subsequent fatigue, and Jon's new college schedule. Oh there was that whole tv thing, but, other than that things seem pretty mellow. Despite that, however, I must share with you some of the new, interesting, not so interesting, highlights of being back in school this week. And I know you are PUMPED for this right?! Am I right??!?! ;-)

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Saying goodbye to the summer sleep schedule and adjusting to the new one has had its ups and downs. The wake up time hasn't bothered me too much,but, the fact that the first two nights I couldn't fall asleep has. Oh and what's up with waking up at 3:15am thinking the alarm should be going off any minute? Really, body, really?

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Yesterday two-thirds of my school building had no air conditioning. Some sensor decided it had had enough with the Oklahoma heat and fried like an egg on asphalt (yes you can do that under the right circumstances). That was bad, obviously, but, what made it worse was the 106F temps yesterday. I think the teachers were about to die, or explode. The kids... well, they were sweaty and smelly, but, thank goodness there were no casualties.

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The assistant superintendent visited us today and was furious our a/c had not been fixed. He made some calls and the job was done by 10am. Where was he yesterday?

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I lost a student's brother after school. That was fun.

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I work in a kindergarten class that has the school's only vegan. Yes, a five year old is being made into a vegan by his mother. That's a new one for me.

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Leo has adjusted amazingly well. In fact, it's almost like he's 'home' in a way. He is comfortable, happy, and eager to be working and napping in class. It's awesome, and I'm one proud mamma.

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Despite overcrowding in one school nearby, and two fourth grade classes bursting at the seams at my school, the school district may cut positions based strictly on our enrollment numbers. No, not that we need these people in the office running things or that we desperately need another teacher to lift the burden off of the two with forty kids in their rooms, it's all based strictly on numbers. It really boggles my mind to say the least.

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I am glad to be back. Despite the insanity that being at my school brings, I'm happy to be back. My new piano lesson schedule is also working well so far. I'm still a little worried about this set up in the long term, but, so far I'm happy and still functional despite the getting-back-into-the-new-routine fatigue. To say I needed to feel like that this week is an understatement. I'm doing a mega happy dance about it, in my head b/c I'm too tired right now.

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Hope your week is going well also!! Bisous y'all!

Tv 'Stardom'

Well today was the first day back to school. It was great, despite my concerns and lack of sleep! Leo was amazing, and I was so surprised he got right back into the routine as if we never left. However, something happened to us today that was really, very unexpected.

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We ended up on local tv!!

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I was walking to class with Leo and we literally ran right into the camera crew who were interviewing my principal. Before you know it I'm getting reigned in to an interview, camera walking around with us, the whole shebang! Mind you they did get some details wrong... you all know Leo's a service dog in training, not a full fledged service dog, and he's being trained for physical disabilities, though he's rather good with the students! That said, I think those errors will go mostly unnoticed as how can you think about such details when that adorable face is involved?? Anyway, it really was an unbelievable experience for me. To get an opportunity to share what Leo and I do day in and day out is priceless, and I will NEVER forget this experience! We're really the lucky ones, Leo and I, to get the honor of helping children learn and feel better about their lives. That said, however, I'm glad many appreciate and enjoy what we do as well!

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BTW forgive the many bum shots, the hair, and my stammering and overuse of 'like' and 'you know' It was humid and rainy today, and I so, SO was not expecting to do this at all!! Talk about thinking on the fly and then some!! At least Leo was as cute as ever and such a pro. So proud of him!!

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Enjoy!

Summer Send Off

Last night a few friends joined us in celebrating the end of summer, as well as the gainful employment of a friend (she was laid off earlier this summer), and the start of Jon's new career venture. We decided breakfast for dinner, dubbed 'binner', was the best way to go. I mean after all, who doesn't like breakfast in the Southern tradition of carbs and artery clogging goodness?

Homemade biscuits. That's right, from scratch folks. Thank you Alton Brown, and flour, for making this all possible. Oh and butter, butter, is important in making biscuits.

When there is meat and butter, or cooking of any form, there will be a dog nearby hoping against all hope that something will drop on the floor. Louie loves anything carbon based. Which means he never leaves the kitchen when anything is being cooked.

Mmmmm..... bacon.

Strawberries so sweet they didn't require any doctoring up whatsoever. It can't get more summery than perfectly ripened strawberries.

Can we say yum?

Of course, if your going Southern, and you have homemade biscuits, there must, absolutely MUST, be gravy. Preferably, sausage gravy with cream involved. Oh yeah... we went all out on this 'binner'.

And who doesn't like pigs in a blanket? Especially when they involved Havarti cheese and gourmet sausage. How could we refuse this non-traditional addition?

Mimosas. Made with real orange juice, which come to find out, means I will absolutely love drinking them. Sorry about the wine glasses, we don't have any champagne flutes around here, so, a little improv was required.

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We ate until we nearly exploded and drank through two bottles of champagne. All while watching a bootleg recording of the Book of Mormon. Not as good as seeing the show live (which if they come into town or we go to NYC I will SO pay to see it!), but, we didn't care as it still was brilliant. Such a fantastic evening and a perfect way to say adieu to summer.

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On a side note, I will say I'm sad to see summer go. Tomorrow I begin working back at the school I did last year. I'm looking forward to the kids, of course, and Leo will love being back. However, I wish summer was a little longer. I've gained so much perspective these past three months. Jon and I've talked a lot, begun planning things, figuring stuff out.... I can't help but worry that work will get in the way of all of that again and I'll end up like I was last year- just going, going, going never stopping and being worn out and miserable because of it. It's hard though. I don't make a whole lot of money at the school, but, I do need the insurance, and teaching piano lessons is smart financially, but, going between the two is a lot of work. I just wish I had more time to put things in order before I begin working full time again. Just so I could have some peace of mind that stuff is done, just in case I get too caught up in the work to survive mode. I hope I'm worrying over nothing. I guess we will see soon enough!

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Well, I'm going to end this on a happy note. Hope your summer is winding down nicely!

Good News Everybody!!

A couple of weeks ago, I made mention of some potentially exciting life stuff. Well, now I can share what's going on as the plans are in motion. A couple of weeks back Jon called me from work and asked what I thought about him working towards becoming a patent attorney. I didn't hesitate in expressing my 'approval', if you will, of that idea. Jon loves technology, new toys and such. He has always read blogs and articles pertaining to emerging technology from computer software to biotechnology. He also is artistically inclined to boot. This job field would allow these passions to merge with his schooling, not to mention, an increase in pay and opportunity as being a patent attorney is a fairly exclusive field within the legal world.

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Our excitement led to a LOT of research. Once again I say, thank God for Google! We found out that Jon would have to go back to school to gain enough science credits to qualify for the patent bar exam. The requirements vary, giving you three-four different science class combinations. Jon decided that eight hours of consecutive chemistry courses combined with twenty four hours of various biology courses would be best, and shorter option for him. It will take roughly a full year to get all he needs out of the way, if he went to school part time while still holding down his full time job.

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Next, Jon had to gain permission from his firm to be allowed some time to pursue this. Many classes he can take during the evening and there are even some courses that are offered for several hours on a Saturday. However, not all classes will be that convenient so he needs the ability to go to a morning or afternoon class during the work week. Much to our delight, Jon was given the green light to go for it. Fortunately, Jon works in the pre-paid legal division, so he isn't always having to worry about heading to court for stuff. He mainly deals with clients over the phone and writes a lot of letters on his behalf. Thanks to his ability to do all this quickly and well, gaining permission to go back to school was, to use the phrase, easy as ABC.

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Last we had to figure out a cost effective way of doing this. Though our Alma Mater offers all the courses Jon needs and is easy to get to, it's impractical as it is expensive and Jon isn't going after another degree, just some classes. We decided that going to the local community college downtown, near Jon's work office, was the place to start. Once he got his basic requirements out of the way, he will attend an Oklahoma public university that has a satellite campus in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma- a 20 ish minute drive away from our house. We've already been in contact with them and they have informed us that whatever credits Jon takes at the community college will be accepted, no problem. Both of these options won't cause us a lot of financial distress even when you take getting books into account. Jon's father has even offered to chip in for some expenditures if need be.

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So we are good to go! I'm so, so excited and nervous about this. It is about time that we start taking the steps to being productive adults! This process will take probably up to a year and a half as Jon has to, obviously, get the requirements and then take the grueling exam and pass that. I think he's up for it, as Jon is not one to commit lightly to anything. I'm hopeful that this won't be too difficult of a journey, and that cutting back on my after school piano lessons will help us during this 'phase'. I may even have to cut back more, but, we're going to see how things go through December and go from there. But hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

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Anywho, that's the big exciting news that I was holding back. Wish us, mainly Jon, lots of luck! School starts next week!!

My Job as a Roller Coaster Ride - Sans the Puke

Thank you, knowledgerush.com for the accurate depiction!

I am not here to discuss how working at a school with low-income, high risk kids can be a crazy ride from day to day. I think I've covered that sufficiently with at least one entry per month mentioning that. lol No, what I'm about to tell you is the craziness that is working for a local public school system here in the OK. Fair warning, this will be a bit lengthy and has plenty of twists and turns. Hope you can keep up!

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While I do not have the statistics on hand, let's just say that Oklahoma is ranked pretty stinkin' low compared to most of the states when it comes to funding the schools, paying our teachers, etc. So it came as no surprise that my employer had to reorganize their district to try and save money. Plans were discussed, town hall-esque meetings were held, and teachers and staff held their breath. The plans came out and the school I work for was safe. We were going to add another grade, but, we would be able to retain everyone. Phew!

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But, unfortunately the feeling of relief did not last long. Soon we were told all support staff who was hired this past school year would be given non-renewal notices; the district cuts people according to time served as opposed to who the principal believes need to go. I get it, but, it does stink as I was one of those employees who received said notice. My principal reassured me this happens all the time, staff is told they're getting cut because Title 1 allotments are always changing. So, while I was nervous, I trusted my principal and everyone else's past experiences. My boss also reassured me if she couldn't get me back as a para, she would do everything in her power to get me back as a teacher's assistant.

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THEN the last day of the school year comes and teachers are then told our school has to cut six 1/2 positions!!! The reason? The reorganization plan that was approved messed up the redistricting. Some students were going, some were staying, but, overall the numbers were HUGE mess. I was sad for the teachers, but, also even more worried about getting a new job. Fortunately, they were able to save positions because my school insisted that the lines were looked at closer to give a more accurate list of how many students we were going to have for 2011-2012. To add to the mess, however, there were calls about cutting the TAs who had been there for awhile. It's a good thing I don't bite my nails, because I wouldn't have any nails left!!

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You think it's over right? Ohhhhhhhh no, no, no. The state legislature passed a bill that basically cut funding to public schools (mainly to primary education, naturally the universities of this state were left alone.). The district, who had just implemented a new program to save money, now faced cutbacks. So, the funding to special education programs were cut.* Forty para positions were part of the cuts. At this point, my chances of gainful employment with my school looked very dismal.

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Fast forward to last night, my principal called me. I was teaching a piano lesson at the time, so, I had to call her back. I was nervous, and being me, I kept thinking it was bad news. I mean can you blame me in light of all the crap that has happened? After playing phone tag, and waiting nervously for over two hours, my principal and I talked. She has a teaching assistant position open and wanted to know if I would accept! I naturally said, 'HELL YES!' Ok so maybe I didn't say that specifically, but, I accepted. I know being a para has more clout, technically, but, with how things work at my school it would be essentially the same job. Bouncing from room to room helping in any way that I can.

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I know, it's one crazy set up. I love my job as I do feel I am making a difference for children. However, by no means will I be doing this forever. I'm grateful though that I will have this experience to learn from and use for what I may do in the future. I am also grateful to have steady income and insurance!! It has been a crazy roller coaster ride working for the public school system this past school year and I think I could write a short book on my observations and thoughts about what I've seen this year. Here's to another school year, working hard to teach children who have to traverse the odds of their situation and to survive budget cuts.

*Don't get me started on how tricky this is legally and ethically. Blogspot would shut down with what I could say about this!!

All Leo, All the Time

That's my Leo! He's so tolerant of the camera.

Let's face it, there can never be enough pictures of Leo right? As far as his training goes, Leo is doing a great job. I am SO proud of his progress. There's always something else to work on, but, he's doing his tasks well, walking on a loose leash, chilling out at restaurants, etc. Right now his biggest problem is that he's bored! As we're not going to school every weekday we're doing a whole lot of nothing between errand running and the private lessons I teach. Guess there are worse problems to have huh?

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One of the fun experiences we had together was going to the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial Site and Museum as well as the Capitol Building with all the fourth grade classes. It was so much fun, even if I had to wake up at 5am and didn't get home until 7pm. Here are some pictures taken by my teacher friend during that day. She has more, but, hasn't given me a disc of them yet, so I just downloaded the ones she posted on Facebook (hence the not so fab quality).

On the bus to OKC. Leo handled the bus like a pro. And how I was able to smile despite the sleep deprivation is nothing short of amazing. Leo on the other hand is a poser. He sees a camera lens pointed at him and he gives the best expressions. I'm so proud he's picked up on that without me having to train it in him.

Leo and I in the Oklahoma Supreme Courtroom. We were given a tour by a local representative which was so cool. You can tell that Leo is pretty wiped out at this point, but, he didn't complain. He just napped at every opportunity. lol

I think this photo is pretty self-explanatory. We were SO tired after all of that activity!! The trip was fantastic though, the bombing memorial and museum brought back a lot of memories for me (I was in 7th grade when it happened) and I was struck at how intensely I remembered the emotions of that time. The moment that was the most emotionally intense, was when we listened to a survivor tell us her story. It was very hard not to cry, but, this woman was so positive about what happened to her. She even visited with Leo which was such an honor for us! Too bad my camera was out of commission. Ah well, we have those memories and the pictures that serve as a reminder of our adventures together.

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Leo has his year and a half evaluation this week. I can't believe we only have six months left until he's partnered. I hope to make every moment count and give him enough love and great experiences to get him set for his future partner. I just can't help but think I'm the lucky one though. If it weren't for Leo's training I wouldn't have all these wonderful memories, I wouldn't have benefited from learning how to train him (I've learned to have more patience than I ever thought I could have!), and I wouldn't have been able to help people and students who have benefited from interacting with Leo.

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Alright, I better stop gushing before I'm in tears. ;-)

When It Rains It Pours, Literally and Figuratively

The weather for the past two weeks here in the OK have been wet and stormy. Before the rain came we were actually experiencing an unusual spring drought. There were wild grass fires all over the state and talk that the wheat harvest wasn't going to make it. Well, Mother Nature woke up and holy crap did we get soaked! Storms have been producing up to golf ball size hail (as my car will testify to) and tornadoes have come. Nothing as bad as Alabama and Mississippi thank goodness. Still, it has been interesting and that's just how it goes in Oklahoma. When it comes to weather, expect the unexpected.

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With these storms dumping on us it seems that the universe has decided to dump on people as well. I'm not just talking about me, but, others around me that have been experiencing a wide range of 'life challenges'. At work we've been going through the difficulties of state testing, which we finally finished last Friday praise the Lord! But, along with it we've lost a teacher who resigned out of the blue. Another employee, who's son has a brain tumor, found out that the medicine to keep the tumor from growing after its removal would cost nearly $1000.00 per month. A cost, she obviously cannot afford. Kids have been wild, teachers moody and stressed, have added to the strained environment.

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For me, the week hit a huge bottom when the kid who was shadowing me was told by his mother that he wasn't allowed to be around Leo and thus me. She is under the impression that Leo makes his asthma issues worse! Can you believe it? They have a family dog at home, he's been around Leo all year, bonded with him and such and she decides to pull this. She's not thinking of it's spring in Oklahoma and the allergies are horrendous. Yeah, explain that one to me. I was gutted, absolutely gutted. The kid too was very upset. Such an emotional blow for both of us and his teachers who have worked with him and me to build a relationship with him and get him to where he is now. Leo was the ice breaker and has continued to serve a positive role for this student. It maybe unusual to some, but, it has worked brilliantly. Then in one day, it looked like all was gone as we have no choice, but, to obey a parents wish even when it doesn't make sense.

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However, there good news came. We managed to resolve the situation somewhat. Mom is now ok with me being in the classroom for a period of time to help out, but, she does want him to stay away from the dog as much as possible. I believe she realizes that her initial statement was inaccurate as her son's asthma acts up majorly when he's outside and active, but, she doesn't want to completely admit to being wrong. Just my humble opinion. What a rollercoaster ride! I'm still on edge though, what if he has an asthma attack again like he had when he didn't take his morning medicine and his mother asks about Leo? I know the whole situation sounds silly, but, we often deal with parents who get something stuck in their head and hold us at this school accountable. We have had more than one angry parent at our school giving us a hard time for situations that their child started. Yet, it's our fault in the end. Most of the time the threats end up empty, but, it goes to show how little respect and authority we're given as educators (by some, not all). It's frustrating and I hope I and the rest of us can make it to the end of the year without too much grief from parents.

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There are only 25 school days to go. May is going to get crazy busy. Jon's 30th birthday is tomorrow, there are more birthdays coming soon for both our families, of course the studio recital is coming up, Jon's work is going on a float trip later in May, both of us are volunteering to help out at a Therapetics fundraiser, and the list goes on! I think I'm ready for the flood, but, I just hope it won't exhaust me as much as these past two weeks at work have! Here's to making it through another crazy May!

In Which Reality Crashes the Party... And It's Ok

State standardized testing began last week and with it came the loss of all my energy. Things are crazy at the school as 3rd-5th grade classes have to be moved around to different classrooms so we can test individuals with learning disabilities and small groups of English language learners. The change in the schedule has caused the children to collectively go 'whhhheeeeeee!' and it takes a lot of extra energy to deal with that. To add to the energy drain I have a shadow now. An emotionally disturbed kid who I've built a good para to student relationship with gets to hang out with me all day and when he has his tests I monitor with his teacher. Without expanding on that, let's just say I have been very mentally and physically drained at the end of each school day.

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I last left off with thoughts of going to Europe and needing advice on how to make it happen quick. In retrospect, I should've been a wee bit clearer why the sudden entry. I had a price alert on plane tickets to Paris from a couple of departure points I could get to easily, and when I got an email saying that ticket had dropped to a feasible price my trip, which I had written off due to loss of income (blizzard and surgery), seemed possible again. It seems though I jumped the gun a bit. My accountant came back to me and my 2009 taxes were going to cost me- BIG time! Well, for me big time. Mind you we got things to a much more reasonable level, but, still I have to say bye, bye to some mula.

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Then, as if that wasn't jarring enough, I had car expenses come up, a traffic ticket, and I managed to break the camera lens and will need to purchase a new one soon. Yes, right now I can't even take pretty pictures because of my wonky depth perception. Blergh. So, I've taken the Mack truck like hint from the universe and put off my Europe trip plans for now.

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I am bummed about this. But, I think things will work out for the best though (sans Europe, but, Europe will still be there!). Jon and I have done a lot of talking and we are going to combine forces taking care of bills and working to save up for a wedding and such. Yeah, that's kinda exciting! lol If what we are planning works I will manage to save, at least, a couple of hundred bucks per month. Jon is looking to get a new job, and while that may not happen for awhile he's coming out of his rut and we are making progress towards starting our lives together.

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I've also begun exploring the idea of getting certified to be a teach as it is a easier to do for me because I'm a para with a university degree. Why would I do this? Well, I've figured out that while I do have dreams of being abroad one day, it's some steps away. Nothing seemed right for a reason, I have some steps to go up before I get to that point. If I work as a teacher I make a bit more than I do now (salary is a LOT better than hourly) and get the added benefit of reduced student loan repayment. Mind you, nothing is set in stone right now. Either way, I need to start making some kind of progress towards my future instead of dreaming about the possibilities without rolling the dice to get the game started.

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Oh don't get me wrong, I will be traveling in the future. Maybe not when I want to (heh like now), but, it will be soon. It's nice that I've managed to gain a lot of perspective, but, not feel bitter about it. More stuff is going on, but, I think I've babbled on long enough. Man have my entries been long winded lately! lol I hope you are well and if you don't hear from me for another week it's because of those crummy state tests sucking my life force to critically low levels. No matter what though, I will be back, talking about this and that, hopefully taking pictures soon, and soaking up what's going on with you my amazing blog friends.

The Ups and Downs of Teaching... Condensed Version

You know it's bad when... The thought that came to me before cafeteria duty as I contemplated the need for a glass of wine- at 11am. By that point I had ridden a bit of a roller coaster ride of emotions teaching in the measly three hours that I had at that point. Add to the fact I kept thinking it was Wednesday my day was made very, very long.

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Let me back up. My workday started off great. Reading aptitude tests were administered to the students from my small group that I work with every day as they're quite far behind. They ALL made major improvements! Even the child with mild mental retardation was excelling above and beyond. I was thrilled. In fact, I jumped up and down a couple of times and I'm not supposed to do that with this silly gas bubble that's hanging out in my eye. Oops. But, at the same time how could I not? It was a major milestone for these kids and I was thrilled to be a part of that.

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After that class I headed to the room where I help out with the emotionally disturbed kiddo. Mind you I love this kid and Leo and him share a special bond. He's come leaps and bounds since when we first met, but, he still struggles as to be expected. Today he was in a separate classroom taking a benchmark test with another teacher. I was redirected to that room and I sat there for the latter half of his test. Mind you, he hates, HATES tests but I thought that he was doing well despite the fact he was having some struggles.

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Well, I was kinda right. He did well in the room with the test, but, once he left that room we couldn't get him back into his normal classroom. I walked around and around the school with him, had to at one point keep him from running away from me. Picture it: I'm in heels, Leo's leash him my left, and the kiddo's arm in my right hand trying desperately to keep him from running, not to grip him too hard (don't wanna risk injury), keep Leo nearby, and try not to fall. It was poetry in motion folks I'm here to tell ya.

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So after forty-five minutes of working to keep him calm and settle (mind you this is nowhere near his worst) I went to lunch duty. Working to keep calm while keeping a child calm takes immense focus and physical energy. I wanted a nap. Sometimes I wish I was Leo. Oh to curl up on the floor and nap wherever and whenever. Wouldn't that be nice?

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Today was just another day in the life of one who teaches. Ups and downs are a natural part of it, but, sometimes I'm surprised with how draining it all can be especially when you have to keep going forth and molding more young minds who may or may not cause you other difficulties. But, hey, at least I get to come home, get in comfy clothes, and pour a nice glass of wine to wind down. Being an adult does indeed have its perks.

[Working On] Getting My Groove Back

Last week I went back to work. Back to the elementary school, back to piano lessons, back to forty hours teaching children. All of this with my surgical eye recuperating and having three weeks off because of the eye issue- so with 2+2 equaling 4, I've been exhausted. Working and not seeing properly causes more strain than I realized. To think I was doing my everyday thing for over three weeks with impaired vision and dismissing it- gah! How silly was I??

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I shouldn't be driving, but, I have been. Scary stuff! Depth perception is an awesome, awesome thing- especially when you don't have it. Don't worry, I drive as little as possible and as slow as possible without being annoying of course. I have to wear sunglasses in the classrooms I work in because as my pupil can't dilate properly causing the bright light and me aren't good friends. I get splitting, throbbing headaches otherwise (I won't go into how I found this out). I've been reassured this is part of the recovery process, but, while it could be a lot worse, I'm ready to get it over with.

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This Wednesday I go back to the surgeon/opthamologist to see how well my eye is healing. I'm hoping I can go back to dancing, I would like to compete at a feis at the end of April. I'm hoping that the gas bubble with be gone and I can see normally or close to normal-ish. And I really hope the cataract that I will inevitably get (could happen now, could happen in 2 years) hasn't developed so my plans to visit Europe may happen (I've lost so much work thanks to the blizzard and this, I lost nearly all of the funds needed to do go). Mainly, I want to get back to some normalcy and to not feel so tired all of the time.

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Sorry about the whiny entry. I haven't seen correctly since the end of January. While I am beyond grateful my eye was fixed before I went blind, the recovery process feels so slow! I'm ready to move on and get my life back to normal. So, so ready.

Oh hai!

Soo... eh hem... hi!! I know, it's been awhile huh? I didn't intend to take off a couple of weeks from blogging, but, it just kinda happened that way. I have come to see how grueling the choice to teach children forty hours a week is. Four days a week I usually go from work at school to work at the studio teaching piano. On three of those days I teach until 6pm- I start my day at 8am. Blargh. To say I get worn out because of that is an understatement.

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Teaching kids is draining. I love to do it I really do, but, it does require a lot of focus, patience, and well... energy. I am realizing that I need more down time than I've allowed myself to decompress and recharge my batteries. Initially, I chose to structure my work days in such a way I'd only teach private piano three days a week, but, [students'] schedule conflicts and weird drama at the music studio has caused my schedule to change. I haven't been happy about it and I am tired. Monday-Thursday I have been waking up thinking,' I don't want to do this' ie work so much. So, I've been doing some thinking. I'll work and put up with this schedule for now. I have a trip to Europe to save up for and between both jobs I should be able to make the trip happen barring a major crises.

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That said, after my trip I'm going to change my piano teaching schedule to be more conducive to my mental and physical well being when the school year starts back up in August. I'm hoping my living arrangements will be cheaper and I can easily take a pay cut. Fingers crossed. In the meantime, I'm going to trudge through those hard long days and try to be cheery about it. After all, attitude makes all the difference right? ;-)

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PS- MISSED YOU GUYS!!

What Not to Be

Via Google Images

This morning an interesting article was posted by a fellow, and fabulous, blogger Michelle from Bleeding Espresso. The author of said article compares how Americans view work verses what she was used to from her native country Serbia. Mind you, I'm not here to go on a rant about how horrible the workaholic mentality in America is, or start pointing fingers at how lazy other countries are compared to the US. The article sparked my interest because last night Jon and I were talking exactly about American society's general expectation for us to be career minded hardworking young adults verses the fact that we are just beginning to see what our talents and weakness are in the working world and unsure as to how to utilize these AND find something we would both enjoy doing. So, here I am to muse and discuss my thoughts as doing this adult in the real world thing has brought up many things, like working, to ponder.

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I went to college 'late' as a 22 year old, so, I guess maybe I'm a bit delayed in my thinking or maybe going to school later has given me a different perspective on things. I'm not entirely sure. While I want to be productive and I love doing things and helping people I do not want to get stuck in the 'Live to Work' mentality. I don't want to have my career path set, I don't have ambitions (though I can be ambitious) to be 'at the top'. As I've bee rather persistent with this attitude, I've begun finding it difficult to stick to my 'Work to Live' philosophy at times. For example, my brother over Christmas break was miffed when I told him that I was 'figuring it out' as far as what I wanted to do with my life as if that thought was something quite 'irresponsible'. Even though, I wish I could cut my private piano student load in half, I'm biting the bullet to save money for my summer trip to Europe and for the summer income famine (I only get paid for hours worked). A little more free time sounds wonderful. That said, I do not have to deal with nearly 60 hour work weeks and I'm very grateful for that.

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Anywho, back to my main idea. I work, I like to work actually. But, I like there to be a limit on how much I have to work. I haven't had a real get away from it all vacation in nine years as being a poor college student with no insurance did not help me to travel around much at all. I think there needs to be a balance struck between work and having a life outside of work and taking time to find a good place/vocation to work. In America we work, a LOT. I like that we have a 'can do', 'work hard' mentality. However, there seems to be an obsession with work, position, pay, and what you have, as if it is tied to our self worth or something. I'm no socialologist, so I'm not going to into any in-depth analysis here. I will say though that I wish I could experience guarantees that some countries do have in terms of work and 'play' (ie vacation). To have an environment that respects that balance. [Keep in mind, I know it's not as simple as that, and there are exceptions]

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Wouldn't it be nice to learn how to take a break and enjoy the world around us? I was horrified over Christmas break when I was actually going stir crazy as I didn't have 'anything to do'. I quickly realized how I needed to learn to relax and enjoy not having to do so much. Is there something wrong with wanting that? I know many Americans who wouldn't disagree with me wanting that, yet many of them will turn around and continue to work long hard hours. Sigh.

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And wouldn't it be nice to be an adult my age and no one coming down on you for working hard, but, not be so obsessed with a career and making lots of dough? Wouldn't it be great if we could appreciate all thoughts on how to live our lives? I know I'm not the only American out there who thinks this way, but, sometimes I feel rather alone and difficult to keep my head above the water. Because, it seems by the standard society has set (ie being a mother and/or having status in the workplace) I am not succeeding, not by a long shot.

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And I just can't wrap my head around that.

Contented Sigh

Today was one of those days. One of those good days that is. I have nearly caught up on the lost sleep I sustained at the beginning of the week and am beginning to settle back into the daily grind. Today I had energy and more mental clarity and kids seemed to respond to me well. Even Leo seemed more settled in, willing to take naps when I didn't need him to do anything. And when I did need him he didn't fail to perform. When I asked him to lay down with the pre-schoolers during an assembly not only did he lay there until I needed him to move, he tolerated frantic four year old pets, kids in his face, and his ears being pulled in all sorts of giggles. Much to the delight of the little ones, of course!

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Then, we had the first class at Therapetics of 2011, and thing there went very well. No, Leo is not perfect, but, I'm able to correct and redirect him well and he gets to what he needs to be doing after that. It is so nice to not have him dig in his heels and refuse to do things now. Today, he [mostly] did what he was told, was walking around with a loose leash, laid quietly for long periods of time (hard for him, he likes to do things and whines when he's bored), and just in general listened well. It seems he is FINALLY getting past the obnoxious teenager phase! YAYNESS!

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After class I went down the street to the new studio space our dance school is going to be using. Now that we're our own school my teacher found a place for us to dance in and has put in a dance floor. My shins are rejoicing! It's not a huge space, but, it will meet our needs. I don't know why this excites me, but, it does. I came home and practiced more and had a couple of moments where I saw progress. That gave me some serious encouragement.

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I guess, in a nutshell, today is one of those days where I saw and felt progress in areas I often get worried I'm not improving in. Work, Leo, and dance all had little signs that told me, "Hey, you're getting somewhere and doing okay!" It's nice to get days like that isn't it?

Surely It Gets Better

I seriously believe this is what is in store for me this December

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Just as my body begins to heal from November's 'trauma' December has already handed me some doozies. You remember how I mentioned December at an elementary school means staff and faculty go into survival mode? Yeah, it's true. Soooooo true.

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I won't bore you with the stories of the misbehavior and other issues that came with the first of December. Though, the 2nd grader peeing all over the bathroom wall is a good one. I just felt the need to go 'DEAR GOD HELP!!' on my blog. I hope you all don't mind. I really do love you all and I hope this month won't be full of 'Holy crap, today was....' entries.

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That said, I made NO promises. ;-)

It Was Bound to Happen...

I work in a school with a varied student population. That said, we have some students that resemble the younger, more hopeful, version of the kids in the movie "Dangerous Minds". Sometimes, and I hate to admit this, it's like we're watching ticking timebombs. We hope we can diffuse or at least lessen the severity of the inevitable, but, we accept there is only so much we can do for these kids though we try to help and use every [sometimes limited] resource at hand.

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With that in mind, I knew one day I would end up in an altercation with a child. Today was that day. Back from a two days out due to the stomach flu, I come back ready to go, and I get bodychecked by a student who didn't like my [not really that bad of a] reprimand for pulling another kid's shirt in the cafeteria. This student got up, yelled how he didn't do anything, marched towards me and planted his shoulder square in my stomach. Now mind you he's tiny and there wasn't a lot of force going into this bodycheck. So imagine my surprise when I felt intense burning pain in my stomach that lasted for over six hours straight.

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Welcome back!

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I went to my chiropractor who also deals in kineasology. Apparently, the tiny second grader managed to hit just the right spot bruising my stomach and diaphragm a bit (having a sore stomach from my virus probably didn't help anything there). No real harm done, just some soreness and mild discomfort which will require some ice, deep breathing, and maybe a return visit to make sure everything stays in place.

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To say I'm ready for Thanksgiving break to begin is an understatement lol. And to think, all the teachers have told me it just goes downhill from here as the winter/Christmas break nears. Oh goodie.

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Help?

Le Sigh

My dearest friends, (if you're still out there) I owe you blog posts. Too many to count! I don't know what's been happening lately, but, to say my life has been hectic is a major understatement. Just in one week I've been to Arkansas and back, had a birthday, worked on getting a big present ready for my dance instructor, had a friend get injured, go to the ER, and have surgery (she's fine btw thank goodness), had work, and to top it all off managed to get a stomach virus early Thursday morning that I'm still getting over (today it just feels like I have a yucky cold).

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When did life manage to get so busy?! Hope you all are well!!

Exhale...

Crud, I can't upload some goofy and appropriate picture for how I feel right now. Darn you Blogger and your need to maintain your website!! Okay so onto why I wanna upload some funny picture I would've found on Google: Today at 2:30pm Central time I began my three day fall break (it'll be like a five day weekend with how things lay out). This week, a three day work week essentially, has felt like the longest week I have worked at school since I began my job. I went into this last day of work thinking that it would be a successful day if I and the faculty/staff made it out alive and the kids didn't burn the school down it would be a successful day.

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Thank God, we made it.

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While this week was agonizingly long, the previous two weeks didn't make it any easier. We've had a kid bring a BB gun to school (yeah, don't even get me started on the drama that ordeal entailed), particular students hitting other students and staff on a regular basis, a few getting suspended, a pre-k student, yes I said pre-k meaning the kiddo was no more than 4 years old, was expelled for screaming obscenities to the teacher while wielding a pair of scissors, in-house suspensions, regular fights on the playground, the usual daily quibbles and issues that come up day after day, and so on and so forth. All the teachers, administrators, and staff- all of us have been completely fried. Of course, the students just pick up on the mania and it feeds and continues the craziness. It's a vicious cycle. And I'm breathing a serious sigh of relief knowing it has been broken thanks to the Powers That Be putting in a fall break that I don't get paid for on the schedule.

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At least for now.