Catharsis...aka Long Winded Post Aboout Everything

Can I be here? Even if it's just in my mind..

This is going to be one of those long entries that start with the thought, "Where do I begin?" So, my dear blogging friends, if you feel the need to skip down to the bottom to see if I have some decent concluding thoughts by all means go ahead. I promise I won't be upset.

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Spring has arrived in the OK and I'm feeling it big time. Allergies stink! I've been fighting off a sinus infection and it seems I have the upper hand. Knock on wood! I don't know why or how, but, it's as if my body actually wants to fight things off nowadays. Before, I would have respiratory infections and never run a fever. Yesterday, however, I was running a fever and feeling miserable. I took time out to rest, take some medicine, stay inside away from the allergies, and what do you know I am feeling better today. I'll take it.

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With my head and vision clearing my head is full of all the things in my life that have been hanging out in my thoughts. It's as if my brain needs to have some spring cleaning done. There are SO many things that had to be put aside because of this eye ordeal, trying to get back to work, etc. Again, I'm asking myself, "Where do I begin?"

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First off, it's good to be back at work. It's tiring, yes, but, I have a renewed sense of purpose. I've even begun entertaining the idea of getting alternatively certified to teach as it wouldn't be as hard due to my experience as a paraprofessional. I'm not entirely sure if I'll go this route or what I'd use it for as I find being a teacher in America a difficult task at best. Don't even start me on a rant about the school systems and whatnot lol. However, getting a certification to teach would allow me to teach at state department schools abroad (I have a friend who is doing that) so, perhaps that would help with my dream of working abroad. Again, not sure, and I leave things open to change.

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My piano teaching job has taken a bit of a hit student wise. I've lost three in a matter of a couple of weeks. One parent who we confronted before I had surgery about not abusing the make-up lesson policy decided that my schedule was inconsistent and problematic and she pulled her daughter, who I've taught for over three years, out. Keep in mind that was just a matter of days after my surgery. Talk about feeling gutted and frankly a bit pissed. Then I lost another due to the studio feeling the need to move her to another teacher due to their schedule conflicts (little league baseball). I'm sorta relieved about that one, they were causing issues. The last student decided he wanted to go with the teacher who subbed for me while I was out. His mother, not wanting to deal with his temperamental nature, gave him what he wanted even though we hadn't even begun to get back into our routine again. It's hard not to take these things personally- well, okay so I did. But, at least with loosing these three students I have a bit more time now and that IS indeed nice. I know I want to keep teaching piano and the extra money is very helpful (I only make $10ish/hr at my school job and I only get paid for hours worked) it does come at an energy cost. I think eventually I'll need to whittle down the number of students to allow for other things. Again, not sure what those other things will be for... just a thought. Guess I'll wait and see...

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Next month, my lease is up and I need to decide what to do. I haven't really been living with my roomie, I've been staying at Jon's. There's a variety of reasons for that. But, here's the kicker... since I did sign the lease I have been paying my half of rent and bills for a year. That amounts to roughly $600 dollars per month for a place I use more as a storage facility. I know, it's crazy. I felt bad and didn't want to put my roomie in a financial corner. However, this has to stop. It's draining to my bank account. If I had even half of that money that I have spent per month on that place I would no doubt have my ticket to Europe lined up already among other things. Ugh.

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So what do I do? I dunno. I told Jon if I were to move in in an 'official' way I would need a sign of more commitment. Hint, hint. We've looked at rings, discussed the 'm' word, and all that. It's just a matter of Jon seeing the trees from the forest and doing it (I'm a little old fashioned that way). In the meantime, I have to tread lightly with my roomie. She'll probably have another person live in the house, so that would take my 'storage rental fee' down big time. If I did agree to that, why would I go that route again? Because Jon wouldn't admit to his mother that I would be living with him if I were to do that. So yeah.. blech. It's a bit frustrating and I have no one to blame but myself as the choices I have made have led to this situation. How to save face on multiple sides, get to where I wanna be with Jon and my life, and how to not waste a crap load of money during the whole thing. Not sure where this one's going either! lol Stay tuned!

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My Eurotrip I wanted to take in June is on hold now. I might be able to go sometime in the summer, but, with airfares going up during peak tourist months this may not happen. I'm really upset about it, truly. I want to see as much as I can, go on a real trip, see wonderful people (yes, I'm mostly talking about you guys!) etc. Keep your fingers crossed I'll find a way there. The school year doesn't afford really good blocs of time off, unless we switch to a year around school set up. I wouldn't mind that, but, that is a decision for the school board powers that be. Le sigh, and sigh again.

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Speaking of school board powers that be my school district is about to undergo a massive overhaul to save money and hopefully have a better school district. We're so freaking big, spread out, that resources aren't great and naturally our test scores aren't fabulous. And with those being everything, changes are needed. So, will I have a job next year? It seems so. There are different plans being discussed right now and all of them include my school (ie we won't be closed) it just maybe that my school will turn into a pre-k and kindergarten school only. I don't see this happening, but, it's a possibility. This has definitely caused a lot of stress for teachers and support staff. They won't announce the final plan until school is almost out. So, while teachers spend their time manically getting kids ready for state tests that no one wants to do we wait for the school board to decide our collective fates. Good times folks... good times.

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See? LOTS on my mind. Most of it is just stuff that will get sorted out in time, but, with my eye issue, surgery, recovery I haven't had time nor mental energy to just talk about it all. Btw, my eye looks terrific according to my doctor! YAY!! He was showing the nurses the progress and the doctor who was shadowing made an 'ew' sound when she looked at how bad my eye was before and a good surprised look when she looked at my eye after my surgeon did. I already have vision where the gas bubble isn't and that is a fantastic sign. I got lucky guys, really, really lucky. Oh and there were 27 holes inside my eye, so, I totally set the surgeon's all time record. GO ME!

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Okay back to the subjects at hand. Lots of stuff up in the air, but, I do believe it'll be alright. This is how life goes, sometimes, lots of uncertainty, possibilities, and those moments when stuff just gets in a lurch because of emergencies (like my eye, but, hopefully not my car). So, I'm here and I'm sorry I've been out of the loop with you all lately. I'm getting there guys, slowly but surely. If you are still reading my blog that means the world to me.

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I'm hoping to get more blogging mojo back as life sorts itself out. 'Tis that time of the year that things are cleaned up and renewed. Just getting around to cleaning the house... that one just may have to wait. I have enough to do right now. ;-) Love to you all!