In Which Reality Crashes the Party... And It's Ok

State standardized testing began last week and with it came the loss of all my energy. Things are crazy at the school as 3rd-5th grade classes have to be moved around to different classrooms so we can test individuals with learning disabilities and small groups of English language learners. The change in the schedule has caused the children to collectively go 'whhhheeeeeee!' and it takes a lot of extra energy to deal with that. To add to the energy drain I have a shadow now. An emotionally disturbed kid who I've built a good para to student relationship with gets to hang out with me all day and when he has his tests I monitor with his teacher. Without expanding on that, let's just say I have been very mentally and physically drained at the end of each school day.

-

I last left off with thoughts of going to Europe and needing advice on how to make it happen quick. In retrospect, I should've been a wee bit clearer why the sudden entry. I had a price alert on plane tickets to Paris from a couple of departure points I could get to easily, and when I got an email saying that ticket had dropped to a feasible price my trip, which I had written off due to loss of income (blizzard and surgery), seemed possible again. It seems though I jumped the gun a bit. My accountant came back to me and my 2009 taxes were going to cost me- BIG time! Well, for me big time. Mind you we got things to a much more reasonable level, but, still I have to say bye, bye to some mula.

-

Then, as if that wasn't jarring enough, I had car expenses come up, a traffic ticket, and I managed to break the camera lens and will need to purchase a new one soon. Yes, right now I can't even take pretty pictures because of my wonky depth perception. Blergh. So, I've taken the Mack truck like hint from the universe and put off my Europe trip plans for now.

-

I am bummed about this. But, I think things will work out for the best though (sans Europe, but, Europe will still be there!). Jon and I have done a lot of talking and we are going to combine forces taking care of bills and working to save up for a wedding and such. Yeah, that's kinda exciting! lol If what we are planning works I will manage to save, at least, a couple of hundred bucks per month. Jon is looking to get a new job, and while that may not happen for awhile he's coming out of his rut and we are making progress towards starting our lives together.

-

I've also begun exploring the idea of getting certified to be a teach as it is a easier to do for me because I'm a para with a university degree. Why would I do this? Well, I've figured out that while I do have dreams of being abroad one day, it's some steps away. Nothing seemed right for a reason, I have some steps to go up before I get to that point. If I work as a teacher I make a bit more than I do now (salary is a LOT better than hourly) and get the added benefit of reduced student loan repayment. Mind you, nothing is set in stone right now. Either way, I need to start making some kind of progress towards my future instead of dreaming about the possibilities without rolling the dice to get the game started.

-

Oh don't get me wrong, I will be traveling in the future. Maybe not when I want to (heh like now), but, it will be soon. It's nice that I've managed to gain a lot of perspective, but, not feel bitter about it. More stuff is going on, but, I think I've babbled on long enough. Man have my entries been long winded lately! lol I hope you are well and if you don't hear from me for another week it's because of those crummy state tests sucking my life force to critically low levels. No matter what though, I will be back, talking about this and that, hopefully taking pictures soon, and soaking up what's going on with you my amazing blog friends.

Travel Tips- As In I Need Them!

So my dear, wonderful, blogging friends I am in need of your help, advice, or just plain encouragement. I will take whatever I can get. I was planning on a trip to Europe in June. I'm thinking I can still manage to make this trip happen. Things depend on the tax refund. Anywho, I have friends all through France, one in Luxembourg, Switzerland, and Germany. I'd like to visit as many of these fabulous people as possible of course, but, how in the world do I plan for a trip like this?

-

I should give you all some background here. Though I have traveled some I am practically a virgin when it comes to planning a trip, especially one that could potentially involve train trips after landing. If I am to go, who would want to see me? Where would I buy the train tickets for a reasonable price? How in the world do I go about seeing my friends, but, not burdening them with my inexperience?

-

So if any of you have some advice to when is a good time to hop over the pond and go to Europe please share. Any information as far as what to expect cost wise (hostels and/or food), where to stay, what train(s) to take, and how to book all of this stuff please pass that my way. I think I can figure out how to get the plane ticket (looks like I'll be landing in Paris) it's just getting those other details figured out that I'm at a loss for. Oh and did I mention I don't even know how to make an itenerary?? Though, I'm sure you all had it figured out by now.

-

Also, if you wouldn't mind seeing me then please let me know. I'd love to arrange some meet ups!! Go ahead and email me if you're more comfortable with that and be prepared for questions on where to meet up, stay and cost. I'm kinda on a 'shoestring' budget so I want to make sure I have my p's and q's lined up. But, hey, if you are willing to put up with that then have at it. I will bring pretty things from the states too. I promise.

-

As you can plainly see, I need some serious help! Please give me some input if you are so inclined. I mainly need a starting point to build an outline of what to do and then I'll probably have some questions after that. I'm sorry to bother you with my naievity, but, anything will be a great help. Thanks so much!

The Long Overdue Leo Post

At the salon, chillin' like a villan. Taken on my iPhone

Sooooo... Leo! I know you all haven't heard much about him lately. But, I assure you he's doing fantastic! Leo will be a year and five months come April 16th and I'm amazed everyday at how far he and I have come along.

-

As you guys know, Leo goes with me everyday to school and piano lessons. He does extremely well at school. When I don't need him he happily naps or chews on a bone. When I do he is more than ready to do his job. His tasking skills have come leaps and bounds. I can ask him to pick up plastic ware off of the cafeteria floor, carry it, and to drop it in the trashcans. Uber cool. He even leaves food that falls on the floor alone- well, most of the time. Hey, he is a dog first and foremost after all! Other tasks he does easily include, but not excluded, are turning lights on and off, opening drawers, closing them, retrieving and giving me my bag, keys, and anything other items I need him to get off of the floor or tables.

-

Every week we attend training classes and I'm happy to report those are going along famously. Leo and I have even received compliments from the trainers!! He is now far more consistent with commands and doesn't give in to distractions as much as he used to. I credit age and the fact that we have learned to work as a team. I know how to get his attention and talk to him to get what we need to do done. I am far more patient than I used to be and he understands what I'm saying better than ever. I imagine that is how he and his future partner will develop. There will be many bumps at first, frustrations, but, over time a bond will form and they will 'gel' and become a team.

-

I have Leo until the end of this year. He will turn two in November and at the point he'll be tested for hip, eye, and elbow problems. If he clears his health checks and does well at his two year evaluation (which I'm pretty sure he will) he will then be partnered at the beginning of 2012. It's a bittersweet thought as Leo has definitely become part of my little 'family' at home and at work and I love him dearly. When one works with a dog hours upon day a relationship develops and you and the dog become connected in a very unique way. I know when Leo leaves home to begin his new life as a full fledged service dog there will be many tears from me. It's going to be hard, I'm under no delusions about that. However, without Leo I would've missed out on amazing opportunities and moments. The kids I work with at school wouldn't have had Leo help to calm them down. I wouldn't have had the dozens of people come up to me and ask me about the program- you never know how that might affect them or someone they know. Without Leo in my life I would've missed out on so much. So, in at least some ways, I will have gained more than what I will loose when Leo goes to his partner.

-

It's all part of the deal. It's what I signed up for. And I am more than happy to do my part because in the end I'm a better person because of this and someone will have a better life because of this too. Win-win, even if it is a bit heartbreaking in the end.

-

ps- I will have a better picture of him soon. Technical difficulties with the camera and computer!

The Ups and Downs of Teaching... Condensed Version

You know it's bad when... The thought that came to me before cafeteria duty as I contemplated the need for a glass of wine- at 11am. By that point I had ridden a bit of a roller coaster ride of emotions teaching in the measly three hours that I had at that point. Add to the fact I kept thinking it was Wednesday my day was made very, very long.

-

Let me back up. My workday started off great. Reading aptitude tests were administered to the students from my small group that I work with every day as they're quite far behind. They ALL made major improvements! Even the child with mild mental retardation was excelling above and beyond. I was thrilled. In fact, I jumped up and down a couple of times and I'm not supposed to do that with this silly gas bubble that's hanging out in my eye. Oops. But, at the same time how could I not? It was a major milestone for these kids and I was thrilled to be a part of that.

-

After that class I headed to the room where I help out with the emotionally disturbed kiddo. Mind you I love this kid and Leo and him share a special bond. He's come leaps and bounds since when we first met, but, he still struggles as to be expected. Today he was in a separate classroom taking a benchmark test with another teacher. I was redirected to that room and I sat there for the latter half of his test. Mind you, he hates, HATES tests but I thought that he was doing well despite the fact he was having some struggles.

-

Well, I was kinda right. He did well in the room with the test, but, once he left that room we couldn't get him back into his normal classroom. I walked around and around the school with him, had to at one point keep him from running away from me. Picture it: I'm in heels, Leo's leash him my left, and the kiddo's arm in my right hand trying desperately to keep him from running, not to grip him too hard (don't wanna risk injury), keep Leo nearby, and try not to fall. It was poetry in motion folks I'm here to tell ya.

-
So after forty-five minutes of working to keep him calm and settle (mind you this is nowhere near his worst) I went to lunch duty. Working to keep calm while keeping a child calm takes immense focus and physical energy. I wanted a nap. Sometimes I wish I was Leo. Oh to curl up on the floor and nap wherever and whenever. Wouldn't that be nice?

-

Today was just another day in the life of one who teaches. Ups and downs are a natural part of it, but, sometimes I'm surprised with how draining it all can be especially when you have to keep going forth and molding more young minds who may or may not cause you other difficulties. But, hey, at least I get to come home, get in comfy clothes, and pour a nice glass of wine to wind down. Being an adult does indeed have its perks.

Catharsis...aka Long Winded Post Aboout Everything

Can I be here? Even if it's just in my mind..

This is going to be one of those long entries that start with the thought, "Where do I begin?" So, my dear blogging friends, if you feel the need to skip down to the bottom to see if I have some decent concluding thoughts by all means go ahead. I promise I won't be upset.

-

Spring has arrived in the OK and I'm feeling it big time. Allergies stink! I've been fighting off a sinus infection and it seems I have the upper hand. Knock on wood! I don't know why or how, but, it's as if my body actually wants to fight things off nowadays. Before, I would have respiratory infections and never run a fever. Yesterday, however, I was running a fever and feeling miserable. I took time out to rest, take some medicine, stay inside away from the allergies, and what do you know I am feeling better today. I'll take it.

-

With my head and vision clearing my head is full of all the things in my life that have been hanging out in my thoughts. It's as if my brain needs to have some spring cleaning done. There are SO many things that had to be put aside because of this eye ordeal, trying to get back to work, etc. Again, I'm asking myself, "Where do I begin?"

-

First off, it's good to be back at work. It's tiring, yes, but, I have a renewed sense of purpose. I've even begun entertaining the idea of getting alternatively certified to teach as it wouldn't be as hard due to my experience as a paraprofessional. I'm not entirely sure if I'll go this route or what I'd use it for as I find being a teacher in America a difficult task at best. Don't even start me on a rant about the school systems and whatnot lol. However, getting a certification to teach would allow me to teach at state department schools abroad (I have a friend who is doing that) so, perhaps that would help with my dream of working abroad. Again, not sure, and I leave things open to change.

-

My piano teaching job has taken a bit of a hit student wise. I've lost three in a matter of a couple of weeks. One parent who we confronted before I had surgery about not abusing the make-up lesson policy decided that my schedule was inconsistent and problematic and she pulled her daughter, who I've taught for over three years, out. Keep in mind that was just a matter of days after my surgery. Talk about feeling gutted and frankly a bit pissed. Then I lost another due to the studio feeling the need to move her to another teacher due to their schedule conflicts (little league baseball). I'm sorta relieved about that one, they were causing issues. The last student decided he wanted to go with the teacher who subbed for me while I was out. His mother, not wanting to deal with his temperamental nature, gave him what he wanted even though we hadn't even begun to get back into our routine again. It's hard not to take these things personally- well, okay so I did. But, at least with loosing these three students I have a bit more time now and that IS indeed nice. I know I want to keep teaching piano and the extra money is very helpful (I only make $10ish/hr at my school job and I only get paid for hours worked) it does come at an energy cost. I think eventually I'll need to whittle down the number of students to allow for other things. Again, not sure what those other things will be for... just a thought. Guess I'll wait and see...

-

Next month, my lease is up and I need to decide what to do. I haven't really been living with my roomie, I've been staying at Jon's. There's a variety of reasons for that. But, here's the kicker... since I did sign the lease I have been paying my half of rent and bills for a year. That amounts to roughly $600 dollars per month for a place I use more as a storage facility. I know, it's crazy. I felt bad and didn't want to put my roomie in a financial corner. However, this has to stop. It's draining to my bank account. If I had even half of that money that I have spent per month on that place I would no doubt have my ticket to Europe lined up already among other things. Ugh.

-

So what do I do? I dunno. I told Jon if I were to move in in an 'official' way I would need a sign of more commitment. Hint, hint. We've looked at rings, discussed the 'm' word, and all that. It's just a matter of Jon seeing the trees from the forest and doing it (I'm a little old fashioned that way). In the meantime, I have to tread lightly with my roomie. She'll probably have another person live in the house, so that would take my 'storage rental fee' down big time. If I did agree to that, why would I go that route again? Because Jon wouldn't admit to his mother that I would be living with him if I were to do that. So yeah.. blech. It's a bit frustrating and I have no one to blame but myself as the choices I have made have led to this situation. How to save face on multiple sides, get to where I wanna be with Jon and my life, and how to not waste a crap load of money during the whole thing. Not sure where this one's going either! lol Stay tuned!

-

My Eurotrip I wanted to take in June is on hold now. I might be able to go sometime in the summer, but, with airfares going up during peak tourist months this may not happen. I'm really upset about it, truly. I want to see as much as I can, go on a real trip, see wonderful people (yes, I'm mostly talking about you guys!) etc. Keep your fingers crossed I'll find a way there. The school year doesn't afford really good blocs of time off, unless we switch to a year around school set up. I wouldn't mind that, but, that is a decision for the school board powers that be. Le sigh, and sigh again.

-

Speaking of school board powers that be my school district is about to undergo a massive overhaul to save money and hopefully have a better school district. We're so freaking big, spread out, that resources aren't great and naturally our test scores aren't fabulous. And with those being everything, changes are needed. So, will I have a job next year? It seems so. There are different plans being discussed right now and all of them include my school (ie we won't be closed) it just maybe that my school will turn into a pre-k and kindergarten school only. I don't see this happening, but, it's a possibility. This has definitely caused a lot of stress for teachers and support staff. They won't announce the final plan until school is almost out. So, while teachers spend their time manically getting kids ready for state tests that no one wants to do we wait for the school board to decide our collective fates. Good times folks... good times.

-

See? LOTS on my mind. Most of it is just stuff that will get sorted out in time, but, with my eye issue, surgery, recovery I haven't had time nor mental energy to just talk about it all. Btw, my eye looks terrific according to my doctor! YAY!! He was showing the nurses the progress and the doctor who was shadowing made an 'ew' sound when she looked at how bad my eye was before and a good surprised look when she looked at my eye after my surgeon did. I already have vision where the gas bubble isn't and that is a fantastic sign. I got lucky guys, really, really lucky. Oh and there were 27 holes inside my eye, so, I totally set the surgeon's all time record. GO ME!

-

Okay back to the subjects at hand. Lots of stuff up in the air, but, I do believe it'll be alright. This is how life goes, sometimes, lots of uncertainty, possibilities, and those moments when stuff just gets in a lurch because of emergencies (like my eye, but, hopefully not my car). So, I'm here and I'm sorry I've been out of the loop with you all lately. I'm getting there guys, slowly but surely. If you are still reading my blog that means the world to me.

-

I'm hoping to get more blogging mojo back as life sorts itself out. 'Tis that time of the year that things are cleaned up and renewed. Just getting around to cleaning the house... that one just may have to wait. I have enough to do right now. ;-) Love to you all!