What Shut Me Down- Part 1

You all have no idea how lovely it is to read your comments!  Makes a girl feel loved.  Dallas was amazing and I have some fantastic pictures for you.  People dressed up in all sorts of costumes, some brilliant, some... not so much.  It'll be worth the wait, promise.

-

First, however, I'll get started on my little story about what caused me to drop of the face of bloglandia, because, if I don't get started soon I'll just keep putting it off.  And I do not need any added stuff needing to be done.  My to-do list is long enough as it is!

-

Alright, it looks like I left off during fall.  I did blog about how my school was on the 'bad school' list as our test scores weren't up to snuff.  The state department would come in and inspect us, the school district sent in a specialist to help look at what teachers were doing (lesson plans, strategies, etc), the school even hired a 'staff development' person to help the teachers with what to teach their students, and so on and so forth.  We even were under threat of becoming a charter school if the grade the state department of education gave us wasn't high enough.  It was insane!  Teaching is hard enough, but, have all of that being held over you took hard to an entirely new level!

-

The environment was incredibly strained and everybody, even the teachers and TAs who didn't have to worry about state tests, were feeling it.  My good friend, and third grade teacher, suffered a couple of breakdowns and began to see a therapist.  Her situation in particular was unbelievably stressful as many of her students couldn't do basic math nor reading comprehension when they walked into her classroom for the first time.  It was as if the proverbial deck was stacked against her and she didn't want to fail her kids.  I thought the stress of all of that was what was weighing on her.  It was only later in the year, that I realized that there was so much more to her, and many other co-workers', problems.

-

My principal was the one who hired me.  She adored Leo and seemed to like me well enough.  At least, she never told me I was doing a horrible job.  I was aware, however, that not everyone was a fan and I figured that was to be expected to some degree.  I tried very hard to be careful about what I said to who and just keep my head down and do my job as best as I could.  Slowly, over the year my principal made some odd decisions.  One was telling everyone on staff that they could not hang out in the office at all anymore.  There other occasions where she made odd requests for specific teachers.  One of the strangest was in March when, out of the blue, she pulled all of the support staff to rearrange the library.  I actually got sick looking at books thanks to that little project.  There were lots of other things as well, but, the gist of it was that my principal seemed to be on edge and downright paranoid that people were against her.  I wish I had been aware how deep that paranoia went.  Sometimes, we can reason things away and dismiss stuff we really should be putting in context of the bigger picture.

-

The tension never abated, and it built throughout the school year like some cartoon snowball going down the mountain.  I was not immune to feeling this and most of the time I was in a terrible mood about work.  I loved teaching, I liked the kids, I didn't mind that some of them were high maintenance, but, the high anxiety, depressed staff, and tense atmosphere was really wearing on me.  More than once I had tears in the morning getting ready for work.  I would cry and tell Jon how I didn't want to go to work and I was tired of doing this day after day.  I felt trapped.  I couldn't leave TPS because I needed insurance, I decided becoming a public school teacher was not worth the trouble, and I wasn't left with many options that could give me the flexibility for dance and training service dogs, pay decently, and give me insurance.  

-

My situation felt, almost hopeless actually.  At the end of my work day at school I was often tired and cranky and then I had to turn around to go teach piano.  It was all getting to be overwhelming, add problems at the studio I worked for (more on that later) and it really made me a 'delightful' person.  I'm sure you can hear the sarcasm in that statement!  It was awful and I while I did fairly well to keep trucking along, I came to the conclusion that I couldn't keep doing this anymore.  Working myself to the bone for so little and yet having to do more than that just to keep insured and financially.  It was not living, it was survival.  Jon agreed with me and we both kept an eye out for something better.

-

Little did I know at the time, something better would come under the most surprising and disturbing of circumstances.  In retrospect, there were signs that a tumultuous storm was to come at the school I worked for.  Perhaps, it was the stress or my naivety that distracted me.  Whatever it was, I was not prepared at all for what occured during my last months at Lindbergh Elementary. 

Chipping Away

The great reorganization fest of 2011 has begun. A day late, but, things are rolling along.

-

Initially I was going to sort through just the tubs I received from my brother. But, Jon caught the bug and started going through the garage yesterday. Unfortunately, he stepped on a nail and it punctured his foot (after going through his shoe), so, a visit to Urgent Care was called for. Jon got a tetanus shot, a prescription for anti-biotics, and we were good to go. Poor thing needed to take it easy for the rest of the day, so 'difficult' for him to do especially after working hard in a hot garage. ;-)

-

Since Jon started to go through everything in the garage I decided to talk to him, today, about going through more than just the tubs of old stuff I've acquired. I wasn't sure he'd go for a mass purge of junk as he comes from a looooong line of pack rats from both sides of his family. In the end, much to my relief and surprise, he agreed that we will go through the entire house, top to bottom, shed the unnecessary, and reorganize everything else. We've never sorted through stuff, though I have sorted my clothes and donated some every now and then. With Jon's mild hoarding tendencies, my old crap that landed a month ago we really do need to organize and sluff off the junk that serves no other purpose than to accumulate dust. Oh yeah... It's time. Time to let go of the old stuff that holds no more meaning, put away the things that do, and clear some space for new things.

-

Pictures coming soon of this process. It's going to get a bit messy, literally, but, I can't wait to see the finished product!

News On The Horizon?

You guys haven't had a reminder of the cuteness I'm surrounded by everyday. Here you go. You're welcome.

How can it be, that in a few days, I have done so little, yet so much has happened? I'm almost disoriented by it all. Good stuff seems to be happening folks. I'm not at liberty to share all, but, I'll at least clue you in. Jon may have finally found an area of law he'd love to work in and would be great at. As in, he actually is motivated about something and is will to pursue it. This. is. HUGE. He has spent three years with his current firm and lately has acknowledge the lack of satisfaction he gets from it. I could've told you that two years ago, but, he's come to this realization and may just be on the verge of taking a leap of faith and go after something he wants to do.

-

I'm thrilled, to put it mildly. I hope I can share more with you all soon!

-

In the meantime, I have been offered to head up a couple of volunteer positions with my Irish dance studio I shamelessly promoted the other day. I will help take and archive photos, run a private share page for the school, and put together a yearbook at the end of this year. I'm also looking at helping out with some public relations stuff- can we say COOL!?!

-

I'm also on the verge of making some big scheduling decisions. First, I need to hear back what my school schedule is officially (yes, I'm still waiting to hear about that!) but I have decided to cut back on my private lesson hours. The last two-thirds of the school year I worked from 8am-6pm, four days per week, with children, on top of caring for Leo's needs, all of which made for long and draining days. Too long and much too draining. I need more time during the work week to decompress and do things around the house and practice. And if Jon is going to do what I'm thinking he'll do and I'm helping with my dance studio that extra time is all the more precious.

-

That's where my life stands at this point. The week has been crazy, but, exciting. Many things aren't set yet, but, I'm keeping my head up, working to get things settled and organized around the house, and bracing for new and wonderful things. I can't wait to share more with you guys soon. Say a prayer, send good vibes, thoughts or whatever you want that it all works out please! Thanks in advance!

Le Sigh

Chaos and nostalgia and an allergy nightmare

I knew it was going to come to this... one day. I could deny it all I want, stuff away stuff in storage, but, you can't get rid of it until you actually do. About three weeks back my brother came to visit. He was driving into Tulsa from my parents home that is the middle of nowhere Oklahoma. He said he had some of my stuff and I was a little overwhelmed at the thought of getting some items back.

-

Overwhelmed didn't begin to cover it when he brought nine large plastic tubs [seen above when I first began this sorting process] of stuff I left behind when the mutual disownment between me and my parents occurred. I sorted through the mold infested boxes pulling out precious photos, stuffed animals, and old schoolwork. These items are priceless to me and one day I will have to put them in some kind of scrapbook. That's some ways away though. The daunting task before me is to sort through everything, donate what is salvageable, throw away what is covered in mold (and there is a LOT), and safely store away anything else I find of value.

-

I would rather just throw these tubs into the garage storage and forget about them. However, I realize that that maneuver wouldn't really solve the problem. I hate, hate sorting through stuff, much less stuff from a life I left behind, but, if I don't do it now it'll sit there, getting grosser, and in the end it'll need to be done one way or another. It will be emotional, but, hopefully it'll be a good catharsis too.

-

My upcoming weekend is dedicated to sorting, organizing, and hopefully getting rid of the all this stuff that is taking up space. If this sounds like I'm trying to pump myself up about this, you're totally right. I'm also hoping that maybe Jon will be inspired to go through his 15 year old t-shirts and donate them. That maybe stretching it though. If you don't hear from me in a couple of weeks though assume the stuff got the better of me and we had to call the producers of "Hoarding Buried Alive" to stage an intervention.

When It Rains It Pours, Literally and Figuratively

The weather for the past two weeks here in the OK have been wet and stormy. Before the rain came we were actually experiencing an unusual spring drought. There were wild grass fires all over the state and talk that the wheat harvest wasn't going to make it. Well, Mother Nature woke up and holy crap did we get soaked! Storms have been producing up to golf ball size hail (as my car will testify to) and tornadoes have come. Nothing as bad as Alabama and Mississippi thank goodness. Still, it has been interesting and that's just how it goes in Oklahoma. When it comes to weather, expect the unexpected.

-

With these storms dumping on us it seems that the universe has decided to dump on people as well. I'm not just talking about me, but, others around me that have been experiencing a wide range of 'life challenges'. At work we've been going through the difficulties of state testing, which we finally finished last Friday praise the Lord! But, along with it we've lost a teacher who resigned out of the blue. Another employee, who's son has a brain tumor, found out that the medicine to keep the tumor from growing after its removal would cost nearly $1000.00 per month. A cost, she obviously cannot afford. Kids have been wild, teachers moody and stressed, have added to the strained environment.

-

For me, the week hit a huge bottom when the kid who was shadowing me was told by his mother that he wasn't allowed to be around Leo and thus me. She is under the impression that Leo makes his asthma issues worse! Can you believe it? They have a family dog at home, he's been around Leo all year, bonded with him and such and she decides to pull this. She's not thinking of it's spring in Oklahoma and the allergies are horrendous. Yeah, explain that one to me. I was gutted, absolutely gutted. The kid too was very upset. Such an emotional blow for both of us and his teachers who have worked with him and me to build a relationship with him and get him to where he is now. Leo was the ice breaker and has continued to serve a positive role for this student. It maybe unusual to some, but, it has worked brilliantly. Then in one day, it looked like all was gone as we have no choice, but, to obey a parents wish even when it doesn't make sense.

-

However, there good news came. We managed to resolve the situation somewhat. Mom is now ok with me being in the classroom for a period of time to help out, but, she does want him to stay away from the dog as much as possible. I believe she realizes that her initial statement was inaccurate as her son's asthma acts up majorly when he's outside and active, but, she doesn't want to completely admit to being wrong. Just my humble opinion. What a rollercoaster ride! I'm still on edge though, what if he has an asthma attack again like he had when he didn't take his morning medicine and his mother asks about Leo? I know the whole situation sounds silly, but, we often deal with parents who get something stuck in their head and hold us at this school accountable. We have had more than one angry parent at our school giving us a hard time for situations that their child started. Yet, it's our fault in the end. Most of the time the threats end up empty, but, it goes to show how little respect and authority we're given as educators (by some, not all). It's frustrating and I hope I and the rest of us can make it to the end of the year without too much grief from parents.

-

There are only 25 school days to go. May is going to get crazy busy. Jon's 30th birthday is tomorrow, there are more birthdays coming soon for both our families, of course the studio recital is coming up, Jon's work is going on a float trip later in May, both of us are volunteering to help out at a Therapetics fundraiser, and the list goes on! I think I'm ready for the flood, but, I just hope it won't exhaust me as much as these past two weeks at work have! Here's to making it through another crazy May!

In Which Reality Crashes the Party... And It's Ok

State standardized testing began last week and with it came the loss of all my energy. Things are crazy at the school as 3rd-5th grade classes have to be moved around to different classrooms so we can test individuals with learning disabilities and small groups of English language learners. The change in the schedule has caused the children to collectively go 'whhhheeeeeee!' and it takes a lot of extra energy to deal with that. To add to the energy drain I have a shadow now. An emotionally disturbed kid who I've built a good para to student relationship with gets to hang out with me all day and when he has his tests I monitor with his teacher. Without expanding on that, let's just say I have been very mentally and physically drained at the end of each school day.

-

I last left off with thoughts of going to Europe and needing advice on how to make it happen quick. In retrospect, I should've been a wee bit clearer why the sudden entry. I had a price alert on plane tickets to Paris from a couple of departure points I could get to easily, and when I got an email saying that ticket had dropped to a feasible price my trip, which I had written off due to loss of income (blizzard and surgery), seemed possible again. It seems though I jumped the gun a bit. My accountant came back to me and my 2009 taxes were going to cost me- BIG time! Well, for me big time. Mind you we got things to a much more reasonable level, but, still I have to say bye, bye to some mula.

-

Then, as if that wasn't jarring enough, I had car expenses come up, a traffic ticket, and I managed to break the camera lens and will need to purchase a new one soon. Yes, right now I can't even take pretty pictures because of my wonky depth perception. Blergh. So, I've taken the Mack truck like hint from the universe and put off my Europe trip plans for now.

-

I am bummed about this. But, I think things will work out for the best though (sans Europe, but, Europe will still be there!). Jon and I have done a lot of talking and we are going to combine forces taking care of bills and working to save up for a wedding and such. Yeah, that's kinda exciting! lol If what we are planning works I will manage to save, at least, a couple of hundred bucks per month. Jon is looking to get a new job, and while that may not happen for awhile he's coming out of his rut and we are making progress towards starting our lives together.

-

I've also begun exploring the idea of getting certified to be a teach as it is a easier to do for me because I'm a para with a university degree. Why would I do this? Well, I've figured out that while I do have dreams of being abroad one day, it's some steps away. Nothing seemed right for a reason, I have some steps to go up before I get to that point. If I work as a teacher I make a bit more than I do now (salary is a LOT better than hourly) and get the added benefit of reduced student loan repayment. Mind you, nothing is set in stone right now. Either way, I need to start making some kind of progress towards my future instead of dreaming about the possibilities without rolling the dice to get the game started.

-

Oh don't get me wrong, I will be traveling in the future. Maybe not when I want to (heh like now), but, it will be soon. It's nice that I've managed to gain a lot of perspective, but, not feel bitter about it. More stuff is going on, but, I think I've babbled on long enough. Man have my entries been long winded lately! lol I hope you are well and if you don't hear from me for another week it's because of those crummy state tests sucking my life force to critically low levels. No matter what though, I will be back, talking about this and that, hopefully taking pictures soon, and soaking up what's going on with you my amazing blog friends.

The Ups and Downs of Teaching... Condensed Version

You know it's bad when... The thought that came to me before cafeteria duty as I contemplated the need for a glass of wine- at 11am. By that point I had ridden a bit of a roller coaster ride of emotions teaching in the measly three hours that I had at that point. Add to the fact I kept thinking it was Wednesday my day was made very, very long.

-

Let me back up. My workday started off great. Reading aptitude tests were administered to the students from my small group that I work with every day as they're quite far behind. They ALL made major improvements! Even the child with mild mental retardation was excelling above and beyond. I was thrilled. In fact, I jumped up and down a couple of times and I'm not supposed to do that with this silly gas bubble that's hanging out in my eye. Oops. But, at the same time how could I not? It was a major milestone for these kids and I was thrilled to be a part of that.

-

After that class I headed to the room where I help out with the emotionally disturbed kiddo. Mind you I love this kid and Leo and him share a special bond. He's come leaps and bounds since when we first met, but, he still struggles as to be expected. Today he was in a separate classroom taking a benchmark test with another teacher. I was redirected to that room and I sat there for the latter half of his test. Mind you, he hates, HATES tests but I thought that he was doing well despite the fact he was having some struggles.

-

Well, I was kinda right. He did well in the room with the test, but, once he left that room we couldn't get him back into his normal classroom. I walked around and around the school with him, had to at one point keep him from running away from me. Picture it: I'm in heels, Leo's leash him my left, and the kiddo's arm in my right hand trying desperately to keep him from running, not to grip him too hard (don't wanna risk injury), keep Leo nearby, and try not to fall. It was poetry in motion folks I'm here to tell ya.

-
So after forty-five minutes of working to keep him calm and settle (mind you this is nowhere near his worst) I went to lunch duty. Working to keep calm while keeping a child calm takes immense focus and physical energy. I wanted a nap. Sometimes I wish I was Leo. Oh to curl up on the floor and nap wherever and whenever. Wouldn't that be nice?

-

Today was just another day in the life of one who teaches. Ups and downs are a natural part of it, but, sometimes I'm surprised with how draining it all can be especially when you have to keep going forth and molding more young minds who may or may not cause you other difficulties. But, hey, at least I get to come home, get in comfy clothes, and pour a nice glass of wine to wind down. Being an adult does indeed have its perks.

Oh hai!

Soo... eh hem... hi!! I know, it's been awhile huh? I didn't intend to take off a couple of weeks from blogging, but, it just kinda happened that way. I have come to see how grueling the choice to teach children forty hours a week is. Four days a week I usually go from work at school to work at the studio teaching piano. On three of those days I teach until 6pm- I start my day at 8am. Blargh. To say I get worn out because of that is an understatement.

-

Teaching kids is draining. I love to do it I really do, but, it does require a lot of focus, patience, and well... energy. I am realizing that I need more down time than I've allowed myself to decompress and recharge my batteries. Initially, I chose to structure my work days in such a way I'd only teach private piano three days a week, but, [students'] schedule conflicts and weird drama at the music studio has caused my schedule to change. I haven't been happy about it and I am tired. Monday-Thursday I have been waking up thinking,' I don't want to do this' ie work so much. So, I've been doing some thinking. I'll work and put up with this schedule for now. I have a trip to Europe to save up for and between both jobs I should be able to make the trip happen barring a major crises.

-

That said, after my trip I'm going to change my piano teaching schedule to be more conducive to my mental and physical well being when the school year starts back up in August. I'm hoping my living arrangements will be cheaper and I can easily take a pay cut. Fingers crossed. In the meantime, I'm going to trudge through those hard long days and try to be cheery about it. After all, attitude makes all the difference right? ;-)

-

PS- MISSED YOU GUYS!!

Coping Mechanisms

God Bless those who fry food and make big LITs.

I haven't had the best of weeks. Perhaps this is to balance the great Thursday I had last week. You never know. Anyways, Monday started out awful. I woke up with pink eye (thank goodness I had the anti-biotic eye drops to help!) and my period started (I know tmi, but, it sets the tone for this day). The cold, snowy weather that rolled into Tulsa was enough to nearly get me in a wreck, but, not enough to cancel school. The school I work in was cold in many places as the heaters aren't working as well. Leo wasn't listening, the kids weren't listening, and my body wouldn't stop aching. As if that all wasn't icky enough I discovered I locked my keys in my car. I do NOT have a spare set.

-

Ugh.

-

Jon once again came to my rescue. He drove over to my school from work, called a locksmith, got cash and a hot chocolate at Quiktrip, and came in time to pay said locksmith and take Leo off of my hands. That night he treated me out to Bros. Holligan's and I coped by drinking the LIT you see in that picture (to my left), eating fried shrimp, cottage fries and the entire container of God-I-Don't-Wanna-Know-How-Many-Ounces-Of-Amazing-Gravy-Goodness. Not exactly my finest hour, but, it was delicious.

-

Okay, so this week hasn't been horrible... just blech. I think I'm still adjusting being back to working for forty hours per week. Dance is about to start back up and I'm hoping that I'll get an energy and motivation boost from that. I'm also getting back to some French classes to get me ready for my visit abroad. I am thrilled to get my [foreign language part] brain working again.

-

So there's hope I won't be a complete lump on the sofa when I get home everyday from work, right? Right?!

What Not to Be

Via Google Images

This morning an interesting article was posted by a fellow, and fabulous, blogger Michelle from Bleeding Espresso. The author of said article compares how Americans view work verses what she was used to from her native country Serbia. Mind you, I'm not here to go on a rant about how horrible the workaholic mentality in America is, or start pointing fingers at how lazy other countries are compared to the US. The article sparked my interest because last night Jon and I were talking exactly about American society's general expectation for us to be career minded hardworking young adults verses the fact that we are just beginning to see what our talents and weakness are in the working world and unsure as to how to utilize these AND find something we would both enjoy doing. So, here I am to muse and discuss my thoughts as doing this adult in the real world thing has brought up many things, like working, to ponder.

-

I went to college 'late' as a 22 year old, so, I guess maybe I'm a bit delayed in my thinking or maybe going to school later has given me a different perspective on things. I'm not entirely sure. While I want to be productive and I love doing things and helping people I do not want to get stuck in the 'Live to Work' mentality. I don't want to have my career path set, I don't have ambitions (though I can be ambitious) to be 'at the top'. As I've bee rather persistent with this attitude, I've begun finding it difficult to stick to my 'Work to Live' philosophy at times. For example, my brother over Christmas break was miffed when I told him that I was 'figuring it out' as far as what I wanted to do with my life as if that thought was something quite 'irresponsible'. Even though, I wish I could cut my private piano student load in half, I'm biting the bullet to save money for my summer trip to Europe and for the summer income famine (I only get paid for hours worked). A little more free time sounds wonderful. That said, I do not have to deal with nearly 60 hour work weeks and I'm very grateful for that.

-

Anywho, back to my main idea. I work, I like to work actually. But, I like there to be a limit on how much I have to work. I haven't had a real get away from it all vacation in nine years as being a poor college student with no insurance did not help me to travel around much at all. I think there needs to be a balance struck between work and having a life outside of work and taking time to find a good place/vocation to work. In America we work, a LOT. I like that we have a 'can do', 'work hard' mentality. However, there seems to be an obsession with work, position, pay, and what you have, as if it is tied to our self worth or something. I'm no socialologist, so I'm not going to into any in-depth analysis here. I will say though that I wish I could experience guarantees that some countries do have in terms of work and 'play' (ie vacation). To have an environment that respects that balance. [Keep in mind, I know it's not as simple as that, and there are exceptions]

-

Wouldn't it be nice to learn how to take a break and enjoy the world around us? I was horrified over Christmas break when I was actually going stir crazy as I didn't have 'anything to do'. I quickly realized how I needed to learn to relax and enjoy not having to do so much. Is there something wrong with wanting that? I know many Americans who wouldn't disagree with me wanting that, yet many of them will turn around and continue to work long hard hours. Sigh.

-

And wouldn't it be nice to be an adult my age and no one coming down on you for working hard, but, not be so obsessed with a career and making lots of dough? Wouldn't it be great if we could appreciate all thoughts on how to live our lives? I know I'm not the only American out there who thinks this way, but, sometimes I feel rather alone and difficult to keep my head above the water. Because, it seems by the standard society has set (ie being a mother and/or having status in the workplace) I am not succeeding, not by a long shot.

-

And I just can't wrap my head around that.

Collapse

Oh yes, Leo usually looks like this when he's napping.

-

Last night in some cruel twist, I woke up from a nightmare that I had discovered illegal drugs at my school. Okay, that was weird. I managed to go back to sleep, but, then... then 4am rolled around I woke up, again. Did I fall back asleep? Oh, no, no no. So here I am, 16 hours of being awake on less than 4 hours of sleep, after a (first day back) 8am-6pm work day. I. am. tired.

Guess what I'm going to try get a lot of tonight? ;-)

Le Sigh

My dearest friends, (if you're still out there) I owe you blog posts. Too many to count! I don't know what's been happening lately, but, to say my life has been hectic is a major understatement. Just in one week I've been to Arkansas and back, had a birthday, worked on getting a big present ready for my dance instructor, had a friend get injured, go to the ER, and have surgery (she's fine btw thank goodness), had work, and to top it all off managed to get a stomach virus early Thursday morning that I'm still getting over (today it just feels like I have a yucky cold).

-

When did life manage to get so busy?! Hope you all are well!!

Exhale...

Crud, I can't upload some goofy and appropriate picture for how I feel right now. Darn you Blogger and your need to maintain your website!! Okay so onto why I wanna upload some funny picture I would've found on Google: Today at 2:30pm Central time I began my three day fall break (it'll be like a five day weekend with how things lay out). This week, a three day work week essentially, has felt like the longest week I have worked at school since I began my job. I went into this last day of work thinking that it would be a successful day if I and the faculty/staff made it out alive and the kids didn't burn the school down it would be a successful day.

-

Thank God, we made it.

-

While this week was agonizingly long, the previous two weeks didn't make it any easier. We've had a kid bring a BB gun to school (yeah, don't even get me started on the drama that ordeal entailed), particular students hitting other students and staff on a regular basis, a few getting suspended, a pre-k student, yes I said pre-k meaning the kiddo was no more than 4 years old, was expelled for screaming obscenities to the teacher while wielding a pair of scissors, in-house suspensions, regular fights on the playground, the usual daily quibbles and issues that come up day after day, and so on and so forth. All the teachers, administrators, and staff- all of us have been completely fried. Of course, the students just pick up on the mania and it feeds and continues the craziness. It's a vicious cycle. And I'm breathing a serious sigh of relief knowing it has been broken thanks to the Powers That Be putting in a fall break that I don't get paid for on the schedule.

-

At least for now.

Overload

My gawd, it has been ten days since my last post! Egads (I've always wanted to use that word in a blog post) that's too long. I'm sorry my awesome blog friends I promise I haven't forgotten you. I also promise that there has been MORE than enough stories for me to blog about. So what's my deal you ask? Exhaustion. Pure and simple

-

I don't know how children manage to collectively go nuts, but, they do it and at my school they do it with a dash extra crazy topped with loony. Yes, I realize they all mean virtually the same thing, but, that is the best description my fried brain can conjure up right now. Last night I went to bed around 9pm. The extra sleep did me a world of good as today I've had one child throw a fit for a solid twenty minutes during lunch, I had to break up two near fights in another class, watch another employee show off a students teeth marks on his arm, and at the end of the day I discover that my friend and co-worker has to have a brain scan to rule out an aneurysm. To top it all off Leo was hyper and Louie's having explosive diarrhea all over the house and I must get him to the vet pronto. Oh not to mention there's the concern that what Louie has Leo may get so I gotta keep an eye on both of them and keep Therapetics informed of what my vet says Louie has.

-

Aren't you jealous?

-

That's just today people and there's still over eight hours left until the end. And just to let you know today is a pretty good example of what's been going on since last week. One thing after another. It's just nuts and I'm very run down by it all.

-

So, I have to miss Leo's training, but, I'm hoping to get my dance class in as I just need something to take my mind off of all this craziness. In exactly one week I'll get to be on fall break and I'm hoping to recoop some of my energy and sanity for that matter.

-

In the meanwhile, I'm working to get back into the blogging groove. I have pictures of the new kitten (yes, I kept him), Leo at the fair (no mullet pics though boo!!), stories about this that and the other all ready to be posted. Just bare with me, I'm getting there!

R&R??

Remember when you were younger, and when it was Saturday came around all you had to worry about was the what television programs to watch and/or where you were going to hang out with your friends? I know I do, though it seems like eons ago. Now that I'm working more my Saturdays have transformed into days where I am excited, yes excited, to clean house and get things in order. I have developed some kind of weird neurosis about having the house cleaned up before Monday.

-

However, the past two weeks I haven't felt well at all thanks to the outrageous levels of ragweed and other allergens in there air. No kidding folks, it has been BAD. My roomie had to go to four pharmacies to find Zyrtec as so many people are desperate for relief that the stores can't keep that product stocked. Even Jon started suffering symptoms and the beginning of an infection and he rarely gets so much as the sniffles because of the pollen count. Anywho, thanks to constricted airways and a puffy face I wasn't exactly feeling up to cleaning. Now things got done here and there to keep the house from completely going to pot, but, it just hasn't been in any kind of order as I and Jon and my roomie have all felt lethargic and ill.

-

Well thanks to better living through chemistry (ie antibiotics, Zyrtec D, and steroids) I'm feeling my more alive and motivated to get things done. Today my Saturday will not be spent laying on the couch, it will be spent getting this place cleaned up and even some practicing in. I'm actually very anxious to get through it all. Is that sad?

-

And in the spirit of full disclosure here I will show you all what I am up against. Brace yourself folks. Please don't judge me and this house of yucky. If you are sensitive to pictures of what messiness looks like please look away now and do not return to this post. Okay you all have been warned!

Exhibit A: The laundry. Keep in mind this is before sorting and before all the laundry was moved to the basement to get washed. Laundry is one of those things that will never, ever end and I've come to accept it- to a degree. I still LOATH folding laundry though... that may never go away and I may have to come to accept it too. It a process I'm working through. They need a 12 step program for laundry I think... would help some of us out there.

Can you guess what clothing items are clean and which ones are dirty on the washer and dryer? I can't. Seriously, I have no clue on that one. If you have any thoughts do share!

Exhibit B: The Kitchen. This will be Jon's project for today. Lucky him!! I am really spoiled though. Jon cooks most of the meals and cleans up the kitchen. Though, he can take awhile to get to the dishes. It drives me nuts!! He has gotten better about it so I can't complain too much. Oh and before you click on this picture (I don't recommend it though) do know that all those black specs around the sink are coffee grinds. We won't go into the incident that caused them to be everywhere. Just understand that there is a legit reason for it and that is not little mold spores you're looking at.

Exhibit C: The Floors and The Dogs. My boys, ohhh how I love my doggy boys. They are so sweet, fun to be around, cute, loving, etc, etc. They are also the main culprits in creating a never ending trail of fur and destruction of toilet paper and toy remains on the floor (see picture below). I used to vacuum more than once a week, then I got a bit lazy these past couple of weeks and boy was the floor showing signs of neglect! Absolutely disgraceful, no excuse really. Cleaning the floor will be a major part of today.

Why did SpongeBob deserve to die?? SpongeBob lovers, I apologize for the graphic display of his tattered corpse. But scenes such as this (fur balls, toilet paper, shredded toys) are all too common around here. It's almost like the laundry in that fur balls are almost always on the floor. It's almost enough to make me give up keeping up with it, but, since my slight tendency towards OCD cannot tolerate looking at dust and fuzz tumbleweed I will take care of it! Just waiting for the medicine to open up my air passages for me to fully commit to cleaning and breathing while cleaning. It's the little things.

Well, at least some of us around here will get to lay around. Hope you all are having or had (for my friends in Oz and Asia) a Happy Saturday! I know mine will be happy once all this is DONE!

Test Of Shame (aka the drug test)

Thank you Dilapan for showing so well what I had to stare at today.

-

Let me preface this story with I should've known it was going to be one of those days when my French [coffee] press sprung a leak from a crack in the glass. This afternoon, Jon graciously offered to drive me and Leo to the clinic where I needed to take my drug test so I can be gainfully employeed. Naturally, because like it said it was one of those days, we went to the address I memorized where there was no clinic. Thanks to Jon's new, shiney Iphone we quickly cleared up that we needed to be on N. Sheridan not S. Sheridan. Way to look at the address Megan! We got there and thankfully they were not busy. After some initial confusion about Leo (look at the vest people!) I filled out my forms and nervously waited. Yes, I was nervous because I like to be nervous about things that I have no reason to be nervous about.

-

I was called back and was it a nice, matronly, female nurse assisting me? Oh no, no, no! It was a cute, male nurse with tattoos and who had a look on his face that screamed, "Dear God, why do I have this job???' Which of course made it difficult to joke around with him to ebb my nerves. I mean seriously, this guy was a Debbie Downer, or Danny Downer... or whatever. So I was asked to put my purse away where it would be locked (I had to watch this btw). Then he said to wash up to which I stupidly replied, "Just my hands?" Right, okay, in my defense I was nervous and really not using my brain. But lordy did I feel silly when I realized what I had said.

-

So I get my cup and then shown the bathroom where first Nurse Tattoo Edgy meets Depression About Job Choices dumped a blue liquid in the toliet. I looked at the whole deal rather dumbfounded and I can only imagine the look on my face when he told me not to flush the toliet, pee to this line on the cup, and the more the better. Alrighty then!! I did my business, prayed it was enough (it was), dabbed off, and very deliberatly did NOT flush the toliet. I opened the door and nursey boy was not there. OMG I had to walk down the hall, open cup, to the station?!!? I did it with my head somewhat held up and made it with no accidents, splashes, or major embarassments. Well, aside from the whole having to walk around with my urine on display in a cup.

-

If that ordeal wasn't 'fun' enough I had to stand there while Mr. Why God am I the Pee Nurse [cute] Man signed a few forms, poured the cup into a tube, and then asked me to initial and date the sticker label that sealed my sample. Yes, I had to initial my own urine in a tube. Woo hoo. Then to add the cherry and sprinkles on top of this load-of-fun-cake I had to stand there and watch him take a small sample and put it into a quick result tester deal. I was watching this all, having NO idea what colors meant what. I swear they do this to make you scared so if you are dirty you'll just confess to it right then and there and save them the hassle of testing.

-

No surprise everything was negative. However, I did have to look at the form to confirm this because Nurse in a Major Life Funk said nothing to me. Just gave me the form, told me they'd fax the results to the school district, and have a nice day. Well, no, he didn't say have a nice day... hell, I don't even know what he said I just got out of there as quickly as I could without seemingly like I really, REALLY wanted to be out of there. Because I did, but, I needed to save the last shred of dignity I had left.

Unlike this guy. No dignity there. All credit goes to pissinginthecup.com

Let's not even go into what work and after work had in store for me. Like I said it was one of those days. At least the new Chinese food place and the gin were all very good.

-

It's the little things that help.

Deep Breath

I went to the school district's administrative building today and filled out paperwork. I guess you could say this is really happening!! Prior to today's appointment, I had a few minor panic attacks. When I was called Friday to come in this week they told me to bring in my social security card and a copy of my college transcripts. Naturally, I could not find my social security card (big WHOOPS right there) and couldn't obtain official transcripts from TU in time. Cue freakouts. I've realized that when good things start to happen I can sometimes get into this mindset of, "This is too good to be true." As a result, I was convinced the lack of a card and official transcripts would prevent me from getting the job.

-

Turns out I was wrong... way, WAY wrong. While I will need to bring in my card at some point for payroll to have on record, my passport, driver's liscence, and birth certificate more than sufficed to prove my identification and citizenship. The transcripts I could obtain (all TU alums are allowed access to records online- they're just not technically 'official') were more than fine though I may have to get an official one at some point. Cue big sigh of relief!

-

About twenty pages of paperwork later I was set. I still have to do the whole pee in a cup deal and pass the drug test. Gawd, I hope the copious amounts of Benedryl and Claritin I've been taking are legal. :-P Once that is passed and the background check proves I am not an axe murderer I will be given a start date. From the sounds of it I should recieve that call in a couple of days.

-

I love it when life tells me to get over it and embrace the good that happens.

Holding Pattern (ie I hate waiting)

Yesterday I went to my third interview in just a week's time. I recieved a call to come in two hours before and had to ask for a different time due to the fact my car's battery decided to die last week. Still, got my coffee, ate breakfast, and got ready in plenty of time for Jon to pick me up (seriously give this boy props for being willing to leave work because I need a ride) and take me to a middle school for another para position. The rain slowed us down a bit, however, we got there a few minutes early.

-

The interview went really well. Apparently the magic words are, "My mother was a special education teacher." During both interviews with the principals when I say this I get very positive reactions! The vice-principal was extremely kind, albeit very neutral and hard to read for the most part. I will say though that through all of this, the reactions when I mention Leo have surprised me quite a bit. The elementary school was all for it, DHS was confused and not sure what to say, and the vice-principal stated he was neutral and needed to check with the district. Considering how many positive comments I've recieved in public the reactions during my interviews have caught me off gaurd. Finding a workplace that'll accept Leo is proving to be more of a challenge than I anticipated. Nothing like the unexpected during this time right? lol

-

Now I wait. I've heard nothing back from the elementary school principal about the para position there yet, and to be honest that's where I feel a pull towards. That would be the place I'd prefer to work and not just because they'd accept Leo there (though that is a major plus!). It just feels like the place I need to be. However, allotements, budgets, H.R, etc may get in the way of the position there. The middle school one wouldn't be so bad, but, I just didn't 'feel it' as much if that makes sense. But, in the end a job with those hours, pay, and benefits is paramount no matter where it is.

-

School starts next week and as each day passes without hearing whether I got it, or not, it's hard not to become pessimisstic. I am becoming somewhat paranoid, thinking that because I want the position so badly I won't get it. This mentality is pretty typical for me- prepare for the worse just in case, but, don't stop hoping. I think in the end I just want to start this new chapter in my life, start saving up to travel, and begin planning for bigger things ahead. That's not too much to want is it?

This Week

Okay I haven't given out a lot of details about my interviews this week. Tuesday I went in for my first interview with DHS. It was more or less an assessment interview. There are two positions available with this organization, temporary positions, with the possibility of hiring me on permanently (pending a test, drug test, background check, how the training period went yada, yada, yada). I sat in the lobby and waited five very LONG minutes before I was called in. I felt very overwhelmed waiting in the lobby. Not going to lie, sitting down I questioned whether I was cut out for this job. Despite that I turned out the charm, the brain, and the humor. It wasn't too bad! There were two supervisors and two senior workers, each with a different dept and each asking me questions. Everyone was very friendly. They were quite taken by surprise when I asked about bringing Leo into work. However, they didn't seem to object to the idea, but, they did want to check into it. Twenty minutes I was out of there not feeling so sure, but, feeling good about getting my feet wet.

-

Yesterday there was another impromptu interview at the elementary school where I've been helping my friend Rhonda out. She gave me a heads up that there are two positions open at her school and so I applied. They aren't uber glamorous, but, the hours are good and there are benefits. And one position, a para, invovles working with special ed/needs kids- something that I have a bit of a passion for since I began teaching piano. To my surprise the principal asked me to come in for an interview while I was helping get Rhonda's class ready! The interview went pretty well actually despite being in a t-shirt, jeans, and flip flops. The principal was very nice, seemed to get my teaching 'philosophy', and we got along well. She wants to fill the positions asap and I was feeling really encouraged this maybe the place for me.

-

Today I recieved a call from DHS, that I missed, and one of the supervisors told me she'd like to discuss a job offer. Holy CRAP! I don't know the details yet, if Leo is allowed to be there, pay, when I have to say yes or no, etc. The other position at the school is kinda up in the air. They want to offer me a spot, but, as it is a public school they have to wait for the nod from Human Resources. So here I am... in between pretty much two job offers, but, only one is solid. And the DHS position if a is a 40-50 hours per week kinda job- meaning if I were to take it (and even quit if I got a job at the elementary school) I would have to cut a chunk of piano students, a big chunk of students.

-

A lot depends on what DHS has to offer of course. I have been stressing out, which is to be expected lol. However, I maybe getting worked up over nothing. My heart wants the PARA job. It is not a big high up position, but, working one on one with kids is something I'd love and I could keep many of my students. The dual pay would be a plus, the hours a big plus, the no pay during the summer- not as great. The DHS job would be a higher step up career wise, the benefits are fab, but, the hours would be looooonnnngggg.

-

I don't want to sound as if I'm complaining- I'm not. I am blown away by the opportunities that are coming out of the blue and I'm trying to make sense out of it all. I will know more tomorrow and so we shall see. My goodness what a day this has been (and I didn't even cover what the staff meeting at the studio this morning was like!)

What a Feeling

The heavens must've heard my boredom plight. The past two days I have been helping a friend of mine, Rhonda an elementary school teacher, get her materials and classroom ready for the beginning of school. It still amazes me how much there is to do, despite watching my mother [special education teacher] do this for years. I have been laminating, cutting, stapling, glueing, organizing, etc all in the name of getting Rhonda ready for her fourth grade class.

-

This may sound like a lot of tedious work, and it is most of the time, but, I have been having a blast. I haven't felt this productive in weeks... heck, probably months! Despite getting up earlier than normal and working until 4pm or 5pm I have come home with more motivation to get things done around the house. Productivity? In more than one place?? Say it ain't so!!

-

Today when I recieved a call from the a co-worker about an upcoming staff meeting for the studio I a funny feeling welled up inside. The general crankiness and hurt stuff is there, yes, though it is better, but, there was something else. After mulling it over for a few hours, and continuing to get stuff done, it hit me. I haven't been productive! When I began my old job I was so excited and ready to get things done, help the studio become more productive and help my boss in anyway that I can. After some months, personal drama for my boss (not her fault mind you, but, I respect her privacy so I'm not going to go into details), and other multiple issues I was just getting through each day in my job. Doing what needed to be done to keep things running, but, not really being productive.

-

Yes, okay, I was doing something it wasn't as if nothing got done. Heck, there were times I was practically keeping the studio together with scotch tape and a prayer. However, it was all in the name of survival. What I really wanted was to get involved in some areas at the studio, to help the partners with more that just the everyday studio needs, change how things were done, help with projects that created more business, etc. It fact, that was the original idea behind my position; to do many if not all of those things! However, I couldn't do as much as I wanted as none of the partners were actively at the studio and communication was weak at best. This led to months of frustration and I became very unmotivated and 'unproductive'.

-

Sure, frustration and miscommunication happens with any job. To be honest, I thought the 'survival' mode would ride out as the partners were coming together and promising a larger presence at the studio. When they started coming together, however, is when I lost my job. I have realized that, i,n a sense I was denied the opportunity to make the impact I wanted to in the studio (though I did something by keeping things running for sure). If I can feel more productive by cutting out fishes with motivational words on them, but, not running the studio I think that screams the job really wasn't working out- for ME.

-

There must be a position out there for me, one that despite typical frustrations that come with job, will utilize my talents. A job that will help others and be productive. Something that will give me motivation to make a difference for people. That is what I want in a job. All it took was going back to elementary school to figure this out. ;-)