The Ups and Downs of Teaching... Condensed Version

You know it's bad when... The thought that came to me before cafeteria duty as I contemplated the need for a glass of wine- at 11am. By that point I had ridden a bit of a roller coaster ride of emotions teaching in the measly three hours that I had at that point. Add to the fact I kept thinking it was Wednesday my day was made very, very long.

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Let me back up. My workday started off great. Reading aptitude tests were administered to the students from my small group that I work with every day as they're quite far behind. They ALL made major improvements! Even the child with mild mental retardation was excelling above and beyond. I was thrilled. In fact, I jumped up and down a couple of times and I'm not supposed to do that with this silly gas bubble that's hanging out in my eye. Oops. But, at the same time how could I not? It was a major milestone for these kids and I was thrilled to be a part of that.

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After that class I headed to the room where I help out with the emotionally disturbed kiddo. Mind you I love this kid and Leo and him share a special bond. He's come leaps and bounds since when we first met, but, he still struggles as to be expected. Today he was in a separate classroom taking a benchmark test with another teacher. I was redirected to that room and I sat there for the latter half of his test. Mind you, he hates, HATES tests but I thought that he was doing well despite the fact he was having some struggles.

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Well, I was kinda right. He did well in the room with the test, but, once he left that room we couldn't get him back into his normal classroom. I walked around and around the school with him, had to at one point keep him from running away from me. Picture it: I'm in heels, Leo's leash him my left, and the kiddo's arm in my right hand trying desperately to keep him from running, not to grip him too hard (don't wanna risk injury), keep Leo nearby, and try not to fall. It was poetry in motion folks I'm here to tell ya.

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So after forty-five minutes of working to keep him calm and settle (mind you this is nowhere near his worst) I went to lunch duty. Working to keep calm while keeping a child calm takes immense focus and physical energy. I wanted a nap. Sometimes I wish I was Leo. Oh to curl up on the floor and nap wherever and whenever. Wouldn't that be nice?

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Today was just another day in the life of one who teaches. Ups and downs are a natural part of it, but, sometimes I'm surprised with how draining it all can be especially when you have to keep going forth and molding more young minds who may or may not cause you other difficulties. But, hey, at least I get to come home, get in comfy clothes, and pour a nice glass of wine to wind down. Being an adult does indeed have its perks.

Catharsis...aka Long Winded Post Aboout Everything

Can I be here? Even if it's just in my mind..

This is going to be one of those long entries that start with the thought, "Where do I begin?" So, my dear blogging friends, if you feel the need to skip down to the bottom to see if I have some decent concluding thoughts by all means go ahead. I promise I won't be upset.

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Spring has arrived in the OK and I'm feeling it big time. Allergies stink! I've been fighting off a sinus infection and it seems I have the upper hand. Knock on wood! I don't know why or how, but, it's as if my body actually wants to fight things off nowadays. Before, I would have respiratory infections and never run a fever. Yesterday, however, I was running a fever and feeling miserable. I took time out to rest, take some medicine, stay inside away from the allergies, and what do you know I am feeling better today. I'll take it.

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With my head and vision clearing my head is full of all the things in my life that have been hanging out in my thoughts. It's as if my brain needs to have some spring cleaning done. There are SO many things that had to be put aside because of this eye ordeal, trying to get back to work, etc. Again, I'm asking myself, "Where do I begin?"

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First off, it's good to be back at work. It's tiring, yes, but, I have a renewed sense of purpose. I've even begun entertaining the idea of getting alternatively certified to teach as it wouldn't be as hard due to my experience as a paraprofessional. I'm not entirely sure if I'll go this route or what I'd use it for as I find being a teacher in America a difficult task at best. Don't even start me on a rant about the school systems and whatnot lol. However, getting a certification to teach would allow me to teach at state department schools abroad (I have a friend who is doing that) so, perhaps that would help with my dream of working abroad. Again, not sure, and I leave things open to change.

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My piano teaching job has taken a bit of a hit student wise. I've lost three in a matter of a couple of weeks. One parent who we confronted before I had surgery about not abusing the make-up lesson policy decided that my schedule was inconsistent and problematic and she pulled her daughter, who I've taught for over three years, out. Keep in mind that was just a matter of days after my surgery. Talk about feeling gutted and frankly a bit pissed. Then I lost another due to the studio feeling the need to move her to another teacher due to their schedule conflicts (little league baseball). I'm sorta relieved about that one, they were causing issues. The last student decided he wanted to go with the teacher who subbed for me while I was out. His mother, not wanting to deal with his temperamental nature, gave him what he wanted even though we hadn't even begun to get back into our routine again. It's hard not to take these things personally- well, okay so I did. But, at least with loosing these three students I have a bit more time now and that IS indeed nice. I know I want to keep teaching piano and the extra money is very helpful (I only make $10ish/hr at my school job and I only get paid for hours worked) it does come at an energy cost. I think eventually I'll need to whittle down the number of students to allow for other things. Again, not sure what those other things will be for... just a thought. Guess I'll wait and see...

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Next month, my lease is up and I need to decide what to do. I haven't really been living with my roomie, I've been staying at Jon's. There's a variety of reasons for that. But, here's the kicker... since I did sign the lease I have been paying my half of rent and bills for a year. That amounts to roughly $600 dollars per month for a place I use more as a storage facility. I know, it's crazy. I felt bad and didn't want to put my roomie in a financial corner. However, this has to stop. It's draining to my bank account. If I had even half of that money that I have spent per month on that place I would no doubt have my ticket to Europe lined up already among other things. Ugh.

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So what do I do? I dunno. I told Jon if I were to move in in an 'official' way I would need a sign of more commitment. Hint, hint. We've looked at rings, discussed the 'm' word, and all that. It's just a matter of Jon seeing the trees from the forest and doing it (I'm a little old fashioned that way). In the meantime, I have to tread lightly with my roomie. She'll probably have another person live in the house, so that would take my 'storage rental fee' down big time. If I did agree to that, why would I go that route again? Because Jon wouldn't admit to his mother that I would be living with him if I were to do that. So yeah.. blech. It's a bit frustrating and I have no one to blame but myself as the choices I have made have led to this situation. How to save face on multiple sides, get to where I wanna be with Jon and my life, and how to not waste a crap load of money during the whole thing. Not sure where this one's going either! lol Stay tuned!

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My Eurotrip I wanted to take in June is on hold now. I might be able to go sometime in the summer, but, with airfares going up during peak tourist months this may not happen. I'm really upset about it, truly. I want to see as much as I can, go on a real trip, see wonderful people (yes, I'm mostly talking about you guys!) etc. Keep your fingers crossed I'll find a way there. The school year doesn't afford really good blocs of time off, unless we switch to a year around school set up. I wouldn't mind that, but, that is a decision for the school board powers that be. Le sigh, and sigh again.

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Speaking of school board powers that be my school district is about to undergo a massive overhaul to save money and hopefully have a better school district. We're so freaking big, spread out, that resources aren't great and naturally our test scores aren't fabulous. And with those being everything, changes are needed. So, will I have a job next year? It seems so. There are different plans being discussed right now and all of them include my school (ie we won't be closed) it just maybe that my school will turn into a pre-k and kindergarten school only. I don't see this happening, but, it's a possibility. This has definitely caused a lot of stress for teachers and support staff. They won't announce the final plan until school is almost out. So, while teachers spend their time manically getting kids ready for state tests that no one wants to do we wait for the school board to decide our collective fates. Good times folks... good times.

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See? LOTS on my mind. Most of it is just stuff that will get sorted out in time, but, with my eye issue, surgery, recovery I haven't had time nor mental energy to just talk about it all. Btw, my eye looks terrific according to my doctor! YAY!! He was showing the nurses the progress and the doctor who was shadowing made an 'ew' sound when she looked at how bad my eye was before and a good surprised look when she looked at my eye after my surgeon did. I already have vision where the gas bubble isn't and that is a fantastic sign. I got lucky guys, really, really lucky. Oh and there were 27 holes inside my eye, so, I totally set the surgeon's all time record. GO ME!

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Okay back to the subjects at hand. Lots of stuff up in the air, but, I do believe it'll be alright. This is how life goes, sometimes, lots of uncertainty, possibilities, and those moments when stuff just gets in a lurch because of emergencies (like my eye, but, hopefully not my car). So, I'm here and I'm sorry I've been out of the loop with you all lately. I'm getting there guys, slowly but surely. If you are still reading my blog that means the world to me.

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I'm hoping to get more blogging mojo back as life sorts itself out. 'Tis that time of the year that things are cleaned up and renewed. Just getting around to cleaning the house... that one just may have to wait. I have enough to do right now. ;-) Love to you all!

[Working On] Getting My Groove Back

Last week I went back to work. Back to the elementary school, back to piano lessons, back to forty hours teaching children. All of this with my surgical eye recuperating and having three weeks off because of the eye issue- so with 2+2 equaling 4, I've been exhausted. Working and not seeing properly causes more strain than I realized. To think I was doing my everyday thing for over three weeks with impaired vision and dismissing it- gah! How silly was I??

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I shouldn't be driving, but, I have been. Scary stuff! Depth perception is an awesome, awesome thing- especially when you don't have it. Don't worry, I drive as little as possible and as slow as possible without being annoying of course. I have to wear sunglasses in the classrooms I work in because as my pupil can't dilate properly causing the bright light and me aren't good friends. I get splitting, throbbing headaches otherwise (I won't go into how I found this out). I've been reassured this is part of the recovery process, but, while it could be a lot worse, I'm ready to get it over with.

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This Wednesday I go back to the surgeon/opthamologist to see how well my eye is healing. I'm hoping I can go back to dancing, I would like to compete at a feis at the end of April. I'm hoping that the gas bubble with be gone and I can see normally or close to normal-ish. And I really hope the cataract that I will inevitably get (could happen now, could happen in 2 years) hasn't developed so my plans to visit Europe may happen (I've lost so much work thanks to the blizzard and this, I lost nearly all of the funds needed to do go). Mainly, I want to get back to some normalcy and to not feel so tired all of the time.

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Sorry about the whiny entry. I haven't seen correctly since the end of January. While I am beyond grateful my eye was fixed before I went blind, the recovery process feels so slow! I'm ready to move on and get my life back to normal. So, so ready.

St. Patty's Day Blues

Well, tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day... and I'm sad. Why? I'm an Irish dancer who has been [medically] unable to dance! Already, there have been two performances my dance school has done and where was I? Stuck at a home with a bum eye and a weak ankle. Sorry for the pity party, but, this has really bummed me out. To top it off, I won't be going out tomorrow hitting the pubs or anything fantastically St. Patty's Day-esque. I won't be in a parade, or seeing a parade, won't go to the new 3-D Lord of the Dance premiere (something to do with only seeing with one eye is nauseating enough at times, add 3-D and I'll be a mess!) and so on.

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So, if you are going to have some St. Patrick's Day fun, think of me. Have a drink, holler louder, and have a little bit more fun (not about to get in jail fun though!) for me okay? Just don't do anything that would cause you or someone else great harm alright? Not like I think you will, just wanted to put that disclaimer out there. ;-)

And There Was Rejoicing.. And Other Thoughts

Today is the first day I can have my head up and look around. It.is.AMAZING! I haven't been awake, but, two hours this morning and I already feel like I'm functioning better. I will say my neck is pretty stiff and achy so a trip to my chiropractor will definitely be needed. Still, I'm thrilled to bits. My eye is still swollen, but, better. I can't see a lot out of if- hardly anything is clear. And the gas bubble inserted in my eye during surgery has made it's way down so things are like looking through a very fuzzy fishbowl.

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I'm housesitting again this spring break, but, not Jon's sister's house like before. What can I say? They had a better deal. They pay more, have less for me to do, I really like them and their dog, and I'm closer to Jon which makes things very convenient as I do like to see him and he's my 'personal chef'. It was a win-win all the way around.

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On a not so happy note, a lot of my thoughts have been on Japan since Friday. Thank goodness my friends who are there are all accounted for and well. I may have not had a great experience in Japan when I lived there as an exchange student, but, my heart has been aching at every picture, video and report I see, hear or read. Pictures of people after such disasters are always quite upsetting, but, when it's from a place you have lived in one's heart aches in a different way. I really don't know how to describe it, but, seeing the pictures of the Japanese people crying in the rubble, the dazed and sad looks, I dunno... it's as if I understand that pain more because I know 'them' better. Again, it's difficult to describe, so that may not make much sense. Anywho, if you can donate I ask that you do. Even though Japan has an infrastructure to be able to deal with this disaster better than non-developed countries there is still a LOT of help needed. A friend provided this link via Facebook and hopefully there is an organization that you feel comfortable supporting. Arigatou!

So I Had Surgery...

Sorry I've been a little absent lately! This whole keeping one's head down business is not condusive to reading a whole lot. In fact, most of my interneting is down via my iPhone right now. But, I'm back for a bit getting pictures uploaded and a readers digest version of Thursday posted for all to enjoy.

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Aren't you excited? ;-)

Surgery was last Thursday and I must say, despite the whole having to have surgery, the experience was very positive. Leo hung out with me in my pre-op room, which helped keep me very calm. Jon and his mother were there so I wouldn't be uber bored. The nurses and staff were kind and funny. Couldn't ask for a better set up!

Tell me... how could I be freaking out with that face laying on my lap?
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My surgery lasted around an hour and a half. My amazing doctor, Dr. S, went into my eye with tiny instruments, took my ocular fluid out and placed a gas bubble in there which pushed my retina back into place. Then he peeled some membranes inside my eye to put things in a better position (so hopefully this won't happen again), and then went in with a 'cold laser' and sealed the holes that were created before and after my retina decided not to stick to the wall. Apparently, I had over 20 holes!! He told Jon his all time record was 23, but, I learned later that Dr. S simply stopped counting after he hit 20. So I may have beaten his record.
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I know, it's weird I care, but, it's the little things that carry you through the whole, "Holy crap I just had surgery" ordeal.

Post-op was a bit bumpy as we discovered morphine and Megan do not mix well- at all. The nurses were fantastic at giving me enough anti-nausea meds to help with that. I wasn't rushed out the door, in fact I left probably an hour later than planned because the medicine made me rather sleepy and they wanted to make sure I was relatively conscious before I left. My eye hurt for sure, but, the pain didn't bug me nearly as much as the nausea/throwing up biz did. I was very apologetic about the whole deal according to Jon and I also managed to be polite! Oh and I insisted on pictures lol. Because, these things are important after one has had their eye violated with needles and lasers.

So now I'm on day five of recovery. I have been a bit uncomfortable, but, nothing that has caused me great distress. The animals are being really sweet and gentle and Jon's caretaker abilities are exemplary! As I said, the whole head down deal isn't fun- at all. I have to use mirrors on the couch and on a massage chair so I can watch tv and keep my head down. Jon says I look like I'm praying a lot. Overall, things have been going well! Dr. S checked my eye yesterday and was very happy with how it's healing. I have to keep my head down for five more days and after that I can start returning to a more normal life.

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Thank you all for the kind words, good thoughts, and support! I really think they helped make this whole ordeal go really smoothly for me. I'll be back to reading and posting more regularly as my recovery allows. Shouln't be much longer. Love you guys!

Eye Update aka Action Plan

I know most of you are probably rather sick of me mentioning how broken I am! lol I promise I'll be back together and at it in no time. I went in to see a retinal specialist this morning, Dr. S. I didn't know if I was going to have surgery today or not, but, was told just in case they do to not have anything to eat or drink after midnight. Let me tell ya, not exactly a fun was to start the day. But, hey gotta do what you gotta do.

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So I went in, got my pupils dilated once again (blech), then met with the doctor who looked at my eyes. At first he didn't make much sense. Holes? Degene...wha??? He reassured me that he'd explain everything in after he talked with his nurse and began making notes in my chart. He was penciling what was wrong with my eye on an eye diagram, when I heard the nurse say something to this effect, "Wow... I don't see you draw in like that." Which meant some bad mojo was up. You never wanna hear nurses or docs say stuff like that. Just my two cents here.

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Turns out yes I do have retinal detachment, about half of it (180 degrees of my eye) isn't where it needs to be. To top it off the inside of my eye is riddled with holes due to my retina pulling away. If I didn't get surgery to fix the detachment I'd go blind in my eye. If I didn't get the holes repaired I would have a detachment occur again. Surgery is the only option to fix both of these problems. I will go under anesthesia and Dr. S will go in, take out fluid in my eye and fill it with a gas bubble which will push the eye back into position. After that he'll cold laser the holes shut so I won't have this problem in the near future. Obviously there are some risks, I'm likely to get cataracts in 2-10 ish years because of the gas coming into contact with my lens. There is also no guarantee I will recover all of my vision. I may get lucky and get it all or most back. But,at the very, very least this surgery will prevent me from complete vision loss in my right eye.

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Thursday is surgery day. Tomorrow I go in and get all my pre-op blood work, chest x-ray, blah blah stuff done. This has been one crazy ride! Fortunately, this eye issue is being addressed and is fixable. The recovery is 10 days keeping my eyes in a downward position (to keep the bubble in place) and about two weeks of doing a whole lot of nothing. As long as everything heals up as it needs to that will be all I have to deal with. I'm missing loads of work which is going to be financially stressful, but, I'm trying to keep my chin up as I've been through much worse in terms of financial hardship. My bosses are all aware of the situation and promising not to give me the boot. They are being incredibly supportive. The doctor's office is being great and handling all the insurance stuff.

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I'm really lucky this is going so smoothly. Keep your fingers crossed it keeps going that way!