Something Interesting...

Before I left for Tejas, I recieved an email that caught me off gaurd. Here's what it said:

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"Hello,

I work for the company that is producing Mutual of Omaha’s “proud sponsor of life’s aha moments” campaign– visit www.ahamoment.com to see what an aha moment is and the great real stories we filmed during the campaign in 2009. Associated to that, we have a 34-foot Airstream mobile film studio that is traveling the US on a 25-city tour to capture the country’s aha moments. We are headed to Tulsa on Monday, May 17th & Tuesday, May 18th, and would love to invite you to share a defining moment in your life – large or small. I came across your blog and think you would have a great story to share! You would just have to step into the Airstream studio for a few minutes and tell your story on film, which would be posted to www.ahamoment.com. We would love to have you if you are interested! We will be parked at Hotel Ambassador (1324 S. Main St.) on Monday, May 17th (11am to 7pm) and Tuesday, May 18th (11am to 7pm).Let me know as soon as possible and I can reserve some time for you, thanks!"

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I haven't email them back and I'm pretty sure I won't. I don't know exactly why, but, I don't think my 'aha' moment is something I'm ready to share with people I don't know. Maybe, one day I will share it and perhaps I'll find a way to get it out there. I don't want my aha moment to be amongst others then to be promoted in a way that benefits a company. I have nothing against them, mind you, I just don't think it's the right way to get what I've experienced out there.

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I do want to share with you though one of the biggest 'aha' moments in my life. Guess you could say the email did at least inspire me to do some deep thinking. I used to have a morbid, irrational, fear of failure. So bad that sometimes I wouldn't try my best at something just because I was afraid I would screw it up. When I was in college still trying to get my eating disorder and other related issues under control I left my family and dysfunctional, unhealthy life in order to gain control of my life, get it together, and start living. Unfortunatly, all those tumultuous events coupled my fear of failure led me down a path of academic irresponsibility. Without going into a lengthy drawn out story, I was very close to failing out of college.

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Then something occured to me at the end of the academic year in 2006. A couple of situations came up and the proverbial lightbulb came on. I didn't have to be defined by my F's in school. I didn't have to live running away from trying my best. Working hard, putting in the effort (even if it wasn't my best in the moment), and doing everything I could to be successful would ultimately lead me to a better life and being a better person. Even if I fell flat on my face in the effort, I could get back up, and try again learning from what happened.

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I got it. And so, I retook classes to get my gpa back up, and have sinced worked to do my best at all I try. I have always wanted to do my best, but, the with the fear of failure looming over me I was never able to access how to get to my best. When I falter, I learn, dust myself off, and try again. I am still a classic perfectionist and that will never go away. However, I don't have to run any more, I can face life and each challenge knowing that no matter what happens I will come out a better person for that experience.

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Just my humble two cents in a little life lesson.