Thursday, July 22, 2010

Part of the Process

Ever wonder what an interal fixator looks like?
Leo did it again. While I was working at a day camp this week [via my studio] Leo magically managed to loosen up the e-collar, dubbed 'cone of sham' thanks to 'Up'. The cone of shame hasn't been destroyed thank goodness, but, he did manage to chew off the bandages on the hardware for the fourth time. As I said on Facebook, this is getting old.

I promise Leo wasn't that stressed during this. In fact, he was just looking around and keeping still otherwise. Do like the 'fear of God' look though!
Thankfully Dr. Mary was at Therapetics today and willing to get Leo fixed up. Jon and I got Leo there and Dr. Mary got to work. I'm not going to lie, this recovery process has been loooonnnngggggg and I'm ready, as is Leo, to have him running, playing, and training normally. Earlier this week Leo went to his first training class in six weeks and good gravy that was stressful. Leo was distracted, overstimulated, tired, and unable to do most of the tasks I asked him. At one point I was seriously thinking I wouldn't be able to get Leo trained at all. A bit dramatic, yes, but ever since the job loss issue I've felt a bit overwhelmed and questioning whether or not I can do anything right.

It's good to know how to smile during all of this.
But you know what happened? When Jon dropped Leo and I off at the house after we were done at Therapetics, I took him for a walk. It wasn't a major struggle this time, he didn't try to take off, and he got the message that he needed to stay near my side. Was it perfect? No. But, it was better, a LOT better than our last walk. Progress, for the first time I felt that there was progress with Leo. I know he's gotten better, but, it's hard to see and feel that assurance. There has just been that worry, fear he'll injure himself, fear he'll never get back where he was in training, and the guilt that it would be my fault if anything went wrong.

What a face! A little petting and Leo just closed his eyes and soaked it up. Can you blame him?
Fear, frustration, worry are all a normal part of this process. Not just Leo's recovery and training, but, with me as I search for a new job and work towards my dreams. It is difficult during the trials to keep the goals in mind. It's hard to stay optimistic, but, you know, as long as I work through the tough times I'll get to that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.


Sarah said...

BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG ((((((HUGS))))) to you, babe! You are handling a lot and handling it well! Kudos to you!

Habebi said...

Sarah- Ohhhhh hun! Thank you! You are beyond sweet and big hugs to YOU for all you do everyday for your kiddos!!

The Pliers said...

The French Artist at "Where's My Effing Pony?" had to wear one of those when his arm got chopped off while unloading a container of stone. They sutured it back on, naturally, and left him to sport one of those gizmos for weeks, if not months.

Sorry, but I ain't walkin' a mile in any of y'all's shoes with that kind of hardware.

Good luck bringing Leo back from the land of the lame!

Sara Louise said...

"Fear, frustration, worry are all a normal part of this process. Not just Leo's recovery and training, but, with me"... perfectly said! :-)

Habebi said...

Pliers- Whoooaaaaa! That is so intense! I agree, I couldn't imagine having all of that hardware sticking out of me. I know for Leo's recovery it was the best way to go, but, it is a high maintence ordeal. Hopefully one I will never have to relate to! Thanks for the well wishes- we're almost there!

Habebi said...

Sara Louise- Thank you! Sometimes we need those reminders don't we? Hard not to get bogged down about the worries and the other emotions that cause us to feel blue, frustrated, etc. I just feel lucky to have the ability to recognize those much needed reminders to keep the goal insight!

annelise said...

Good gravy indeed. You must be just about at the end of your tether by now. Not to mention poor old Leo. It's too bad that we can't talk to them and make them comprehend that they can't just go chewing things that are going to make their recovery so much more easily!

And YES to the dream!! I was going to mention that it might be the perfect time to think about France, but didn't want to overstep or anything. But how perfect could it be?! It just might be serendipity, you never know.

Have a great weekend :)

Caitie said...

I think that you should bat your lovely eyes at your boyfriend, and request a've earned it! Hang in there! It will totally get better; that old cliche is a 100% true, and life is a roller coaster ride. So what goes down will ALWAYS go up. You're on your way up. And your dream, it's an awesome one. It will happen.

Jessica said...

Wow, what a trooper - both of you! ;) Good to see that things are slowly going back to normal for Leo and I hope to see him fully recovered soon!!!

I'm sure you'll work out the job situation soon and if not well you can come and live with me in Australia and train Sascha how to open the fridge. ;) Thinking of you. ;)

Habebi said...

Annelise- You hit the nail right on the head as they say! If Leo could just understand the reason why he can't be a puppy then this would be soooooo much easier. I feel bad having to 'bark' at him to stop doing things! Good news is we are one-three weeks away from being done with this! I just need to hang on a little longer.

And please do not worry about 'overstepping' with me. I'd rather get honest imput any day of the week. I actually have been thinking it would be a good time to go too! However, it seems the money thing cannot be overcome right away. That's quite discouraging as it seems the closer I get to that dream (ie not tied down as much here) the more things pile up in my way. Which oddly enough makes me more determined! Things might work in my favor though, one thing at a time!

Habebi said...

Caitie- I have earned it! However, in turn he has too as he is so kind to watch Leo when I need a break. Soooo I can't take advantage of him toooo much lol. Thank you for the well wishes with Leo, I'm so, so very hopeful that we'll get some good news next week. But, even if we have to wait a little longer that's only 3 weeks away! So close!

Thank you also for the kind comment about the dream! I know it's so 'whimsical' and nearly 'delusional' to some, but, when I can get a thought out of my head, when my intuition says go for it, it is something I must do. Just have to get through one thing at a time to get there right now and keep my 'eye on the prize'! lol

Habebi said...

Jessica- Yes, as hard as it is keeping an energetic puppy lab from hurting himself with pins in his leg, he has tolerated a TON of 'no's' 'wrongs' and 'LEO!' well. He takes pills like a champ and continues to be loving and sweet despite the fact that I don't always deserve it! Just keep your fingers crosseden that in a week we'll be talking about getting him back to normal!

Thank you for the encouragement and the offer!! Careful now I could easily end up on your front door. But, of course I would be happy to show you how to get Sascha to open the fridge. It's a lot easier than you'd think! Thanks so much hun!