Leo can smile even in his sleep. My gosh I love it when he has funny sleep faces!
After yesterday's rather down in the dumps post I told Jon to help me draft a letter to the partners at the studio informing them I would be looking for work and may not be able to stay as a teacher in the capacity that I have been. I just needed to get that out there so I wouldn't have to deal with the worry of telling them any longer. At first I thought I would deliver that letter at the end of my tenure (ie this Friday), but, then I went to work and was greeted by one of the partners and her kids. I was happy to see her of course as she has just moved back to the Tulsa area. However, it took everything in me not to break down and cry. I wanted her to come back so I could have her help me create systems for the business and help get things more organized. And here she was sitting there talking with my boss about business, her kids running around, and smiling at me as if nothing happened.
I decided then I just needed to get it out there and inform the partners of my intentions sooner as opposed to a couple of days later, as it would be one less burden to carry around. So I did, my letter was sent off around 4:30pm yesterday- and I have yet to hear anything from anyone. That's alright though, I did it to help myself they can or won't respond, that's not up to me. A feeling of relief has begun to set in and today after reading some more kind comments and looking around the house I feel a sense of clarity that I haven't felt in months. I am looking around at how messy my things are, okay it's not THAT bad, but, my stuff is here there and everywhere. I am looking at these piles and instead of feeling overwhelmed and apathetic, like I have been, I actually want to pick stuff up and get my s*** together. Say it ain't so!!
Is this a sign that things are beginning to turn a corner for me? Perhaps. Whatever it is I will take as an opportunity to start straightening things out for myself and smile at the realization that this moment in my life is not all sad, but, it is also a gift. A gift of being able to turn a leaf and get to something better. Getting to that better thing, whatever it is, may take awhile though and it probably won't be so easy at times. However, I have so many good things and people in my life that will be with me along the way... reminding me again to smile.