Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Sometimes You Just Gotta Smile

Leo can smile even in his sleep. My gosh I love it when he has funny sleep faces!
After yesterday's rather down in the dumps post I told Jon to help me draft a letter to the partners at the studio informing them I would be looking for work and may not be able to stay as a teacher in the capacity that I have been. I just needed to get that out there so I wouldn't have to deal with the worry of telling them any longer. At first I thought I would deliver that letter at the end of my tenure (ie this Friday), but, then I went to work and was greeted by one of the partners and her kids. I was happy to see her of course as she has just moved back to the Tulsa area. However, it took everything in me not to break down and cry. I wanted her to come back so I could have her help me create systems for the business and help get things more organized. And here she was sitting there talking with my boss about business, her kids running around, and smiling at me as if nothing happened.
I decided then I just needed to get it out there and inform the partners of my intentions sooner as opposed to a couple of days later, as it would be one less burden to carry around. So I did, my letter was sent off around 4:30pm yesterday- and I have yet to hear anything from anyone. That's alright though, I did it to help myself they can or won't respond, that's not up to me. A feeling of relief has begun to set in and today after reading some more kind comments and looking around the house I feel a sense of clarity that I haven't felt in months. I am looking around at how messy my things are, okay it's not THAT bad, but, my stuff is here there and everywhere. I am looking at these piles and instead of feeling overwhelmed and apathetic, like I have been, I actually want to pick stuff up and get my s*** together. Say it ain't so!!
Is this a sign that things are beginning to turn a corner for me? Perhaps. Whatever it is I will take as an opportunity to start straightening things out for myself and smile at the realization that this moment in my life is not all sad, but, it is also a gift. A gift of being able to turn a leaf and get to something better. Getting to that better thing, whatever it is, may take awhile though and it probably won't be so easy at times. However, I have so many good things and people in my life that will be with me along the way... reminding me again to smile.


The Pliers said...

Letters of intent are nice to have off your list of things to do! Congratulations on having taken the bull by the horns!

Do something fun and relaxing now, even if for just a couple of hours. It will make a world of difference.


Habebi said...

Pliers- I am not going to argue with a little reward for getting things done. That helps to strike a balance with things doesn't it? It's not even 2pm here yet and I already feel as if it should be past 5pm with some of the things I've taken care of. Definite reward time coming tonight!

Sarah said...

I hear ya. I really do. Everything gets muddled and stuck around one issue for a while, and when you come out of the fog, there's a whole new perspective and the whole life gets a cleaning! Hence my massive mongo house purge a couple weeks ago. Yay for fresh starts all around! Luv ya!!! Oh, and Mary started a new job on Monday and we're hanging out Saturday night if you wanna come along!

Habebi said...

Sarah- Exactly!! Between Leo's leg, drama with the Jon, and work feeling as if nothing could get finished it's no wonder I've been in a fog. Now that things are lifting and perspective's being gained I'm so ready to clean up and get the 'new' life started. I'm already asking Jon to get containers for organizational purposes (my God, my mother's trait strikes!!) I think he's a bit frightened to be honest! lol

lovelyinlux said...

It's SO GOOD that you're feeling relief, even if it is just temporary, because feeling relief is the goal! Obviously the plans you had had for working at the studio were not the plans that your "Higher Being" had for you (without wanting to get too metaphysical), and you are young, beautiful, motivated, and will therefore find something bigger and better in no time!

Habebi said...

Lovely Libby- Hun, feel free to get metaphyisical with me anytime! It's something I hadn't thought of, and you know you might be onto something. Obviously it's not going to work at the studio the way I thought it would and you know, it is probably going to be for the best. Maybe there is indeed something bigger and better out there!

I just hope that me and that bigger, better thing (job) find one another soon!! lol Thanks for the encouragement girl!