For four days I babysat twin seven year old boys. The same pair I had watched at the beginning of summer, pre-Leo's unsuccessful dance with Volvos. This time around I actually had to drop them off and pick them up from school. Which was weird...very, very weird. To top it off, I also had to sit through a Tiger Cub (or Scout?) meeting my first afternoon with the kiddos. Again, very, very weird. In fact, I was quite useless at that meeting. I helped a parent and a couple of other babysitters with folders, but, that was the extent of my help. Let me tell you, 10 plus boys ages 6-7 years, in a open tiled room, makes for an interesting sensory experience. LOTS of noise! Anchored by the appeal of my new iPhone, I sat in the corner looking at the choas around me and felt a sense of anxiety when I thought, "This could be my future"
The view from the BIG A** SUV. At least 10 cars deep in all three lanes. Not to mention several cars behind me. Cuh-razy.
Fast forward twenty four hours and I'm in the drive-thru [pick up] lane at the elementary school the boys attend. One nice perk about this babysitting gig is I get to drive the family's car as opposed to my own. So, here I am, in a N-I-C-E Cadillac Escalade (I could write an entire blog entry about driving around in that thing- but, I will spare you all that torture) waiting in line at one of Tulsa's private schools with a slew of parents, nannies, babysitters waiting in their respective [nice, expensive] cars and SUVs- see picture above. The whole process took about 15 minutes. I kept running over in my head what the twins's mother told me, "No cell phones, stay in the far right, or left lane, tell them your name, don't get out of the car..." As I did this and waited my turn, again a sense of panic washed over me at the thought of, "This could be your future." That thought brought an immediate, "NO dangit! No, no, no!!"
Let me say that I understand that this specific scenario will probably not be my exact future. I believe though, that the thought of being settled in with a family, being at home, taking the kids to school and picking them up in the stereotypical American SUV, is what provoked a mild anxiety attack. I think in a nutshell it just didn't 'feel right'. I know the future holds many unexpected things, and one does the best they can with what they have for their children. I know many awesome moms and I'm ALWAYS in awe of what they do for their kids. That said, for me, I want something 'more', or different, for my children when they come into my life. More diversity at school is, at the very least, a must. Many other ideas are forming in my mind, but, not many of them can be articulated at this point in time.
I don't know why babysitting always leaves me with more perspective and sometimes panic about the future. Geez. Maybe it's my control issues coming into play? I'm not entirely sure. I will say though, I am definitely glad I'm not driving that HUGE Escalade! Though I could see over traffic for miles, I nearly fell out of the thing three times, and the amount of work it takes backing out of parking spots is just rediculous!
Nice comfortable leather seats though... I will give it that. ;-)